16 years ago, Okinawa, Japan
The crisp air of the night is giving me chills; this is the day, the last day of summer holiday. How I waited for this moment to arrive, I am going to do it this time. I have got to be upfront with my feelings; I have run away from them enough.
This day is special to me. I mustered enough courage to confess to the girl I am in love with, Shiori Asano. Everything about her gives me butterflies. Every time I see her face, her smile, and the way she talks to me and to everyone else, it makes me like her even more. We are best friends and pretty close, so I hope for the best.
“Hey, Hikari, are you there?” - She snapped me out of my trance; we are both sitting on a park bench in Okinawa that’s close to my house.
“Sorry, I’ve been thinking about things. A lot of things, actually.” She turned her gaze away from the stars to look at me.
“What were you thinking about exactly? And why did you call me out this late? Did something happen?” - She did look tired, but it made her even cuter.
“I’ve been wanting to say this for a long time but. I AM… IN LOVE WITH YOU!” - In a second I blurted out my feelings to her; my palms are sweating and my heart is beating hundreds of times per second. I am getting dizzy as well.
“What?” - That’s the only thing she had said. She gave me no reaction. I waited for her to speak, but I got no answer. Suddenly I was feeling like I was suffocating. Due to the tension, I even forgot to breathe. Please say yes.
“Shiori…”—I said to her in a weak voice.
“We can’t be friends anymore; don’t talk or interact with me again.” – She didn’t even look me in the eyes; she just left…
………….
What do I do?…
What did I do wrong? Why doesn’t she want to talk with me anymore?
From then on, I can’t remember what happened after, only that I woke up on the concrete with people looking at me. I woke up when the ambulance arrived. I slept there the whole night; a stranger called the police, and they dispatched an ambulance here.
“What were you doing all alone sleeping on the concrete?” - I got asked by one of the nurses in the ambulance.
“I was heading home and had a pretty bad fight with a friend, and I ended up crying myself to sleep on the bench.” I told a half-truth. I can’t tell them; they will react just like my parents. They still support me while I am still in high school, but they don’t want anything to do with me. When they found out I liked other girls instead of men, they became disgusted by me and avoided me, my brothers too, and even my sister. They moved overseas to Sweden and left me here in Japan, arguing that it’s best for me to continue school here. Now, I am left alone in their house. I have a legal guardian here, but that’s only on paper; he rarely comes to check on me. My uncle isn’t a reliable person.
“It must have been rough for you. I see that you live nearby. Can you get there on your own? You will be free to leave after a small examination.” The nurse on the ambulance smiled and began a routine checkup—nothing interesting. Wait, I forgot, today is the first day of school; I guess I can still catch several classes if I am quick enough.
The checkup didn’t last long; I will skip over it since it’s boring medical stuff I don’t understand. I walked home and unlocked the front door and got ready to go to school, but I don’t really feel ready for anything. If I go there, I will have no friends, no one, like I used to before meeting Shiori, but now, she doesn’t even want to talk to me anymore.
I couldn’t even get my hair done; it’s a mess. I skipped breakfast and just took my bike and biked there. The road was empty; there were people, but it felt empty. So many people around, yet I feel so alone.
I am like a zombie, if I can describe it like that, mindlessly biking to my school.
I arrived a bit late at school; the opening ceremony was long over, and I didn’t get to meet all the new teachers, but I still got to my class, and as expected, of the joined desks that we had, one of the seats where Shiori would have sat is now empty. This class always had an empty seat. I saw Shiori hanging out with other girls.
“It’s so nice to hang out with us more”—Ican overhear their conversation.
I just arrived in class and said nothing to the teacher there aside from a good morning.
“Welcome, Hikari. What brings you in so late?” - Everything in the classroom stopped; everyone is laser-focused on me. I try to give Shiori a glance, but she looks at me once and nods left to right once and then continues talking to her friends.
“I overslept, sorry.” The teacher looked concerned but didn’t ask me any questions; I don’t think I even looked like the type of person to be asked questions.
“Bet she cried all night after getting rejected by Shiori.” – Quiet chatter erupted in the classroom after I took my seat.
“No way, Shiori? I thought she got rejected by some guy. How miserable you have to be to go for your friend, a friend that’s not even a pervert like she is.”
“Talk about crazy, something must be wrong with her.”
“I agree, and to think Shiori took pity on someone like her, disgusting.” Took pity? Were all the memories we had a lie? Everything we shared until now, the friendship I thought I had with her—a lie? Why did she lie to me, and who is friends with someone out of pity? I can’t, I can’t. All these words—they hurt more than a thousand knife wounds.
A very loud sound took my attention; our teacher played a loud recording of a sound to get our attention.
“No gossip in class! I can hear everything you say. We can say whatever we want, but our actions have consequences. If you don’t want to go to the disciplinary committee, I suggest that you stop right now!” - The voice of our teacher was firm, and her eyes were sharply scanning the classroom until her eyes landed on me.
“Hikari, you can go home for today. I see you are feeling sick; you should have said so. If you need to, take a day or three to recover.” I don’t even recognize this woman; she must be new, but she is kind. I can’t do much in the state I am in right now.