# Chapter 17

Episode #17    Unforeseen Worries

Jed frowned. He was lost in thought for a long time, barely opening his mouth to ask, "Why the hell?"

"Well, I guess the rumor is...….”

"I thought I told you to stop them.”

"You know it's not easy to stop a rumor, Sir. It's already spread to a certain extent. After the last time when she jumped into the Imperial Palace Lake, then she attempted to jump off the palace, and now the rumors have spread about what happened in the mansion."

"So, what exactly is the rumor about?”

"There's a growing rumor that Her Ladyship is mentally ill, Sir."

Jed looked at Bernard as if to tell him to go on.

"Duke Aydin seems to have ordered her to go to the countryside since the capital is probably a difficult place for Her Ladyship to stay."

"I see."

"Don't you suppose that Her Ladyship will stay at the estate until you get married?"

Jed looked out the window and nodded. Staring at the gray clouds, he tapped his index finger on the desk.

"Great decision. I think so, too."

'What? This isn't it. What is this bland attitude?'

Maintaining his attention out the window the whole time, Jed quietly toyed with his papers to give the illusion that he would concentrate on his work again. Bernard was taken aback and didn't notice that Jed read the same part over and over again.

A long time later, Jed opened his mouth.

"Bernard."

"Yes, sir."

"Is the Crown Prince really so attractive?"

"What?"

Jed had a serious look on his face. Bernard wondered what this was about.

"More attractive than I am?"

'Has he gone mad as well? It couldn't be that Duke Aydin’s daughter's madness was contagious.'

Hesitating about what to do, he gave an exemplary, avoidant answer.

"There are many young girls who adore the Crown Prince."

"Then, what about me?"

"The same goes for you."

"Is the Crown Prince more popular than I am?"

"The Crown Princess has not yet been chosen. Every girl dreams of becoming a future empress."

That meant the Crown Prince was more popular. The Crown Prince also looked well dressed, so it was natural for women to pay attention to him.

"But you have to think about the fact that Your Excellency has only been on battlefields."

"Right,” Jed nodded, reassured. Then he realized what he had just asked and said what Bernard had wanted to say, ‘Crazy’ in a low voice.

"Is becoming the Empress such a coveted position?"

"It depends on the person. Isn't she the mistress of the country and the highest position a woman can hold?"

Jed frowned.

"Then does the Crown Prince have human charm?"

Bernard, pretending to vomit at Jed's words, said, "I'm a citizen of Yansgar, but I can't say anything good about him. When I was a teenager, I heard so much about his behavior and relationships with women. How could there be any 'human' charm?"

Then, Bernard's face turned pale. It seemed that Jed's next question would be, 'Do I have human charm?' They had the same broken personality, anyway. What's the use of comparing when the difference is no more than a fingernail? He wouldn't be able to bring himself to say, 'You have a human charm.' His conscience stabbed at him.

His master was a man of battlefields, not the Imperial Palace. He'd never had a dirty relationship but had always been overly neat. In that sense, Jed's humanity was a hair's width better than that of the Crown Prince. How could he call it a human charm when it was just a slightly less broken personality?

"But why the hell…?"

How was Bernard supposed to end this crazy conversation? Perhaps it had been a mistake to tell him about the Duke’s daughter.

But Bernard, who knew he could lose his neck if he made a mistake here, kept to himself. Jed seemed to be lost in thought again and then asked, "Are we to take the actions of a sick person seriously?"

"What do you mean?"

"What a person says and does when they are sick, should it be taken to heart?”

"That's what you say when you're on the battlefield. If a sick man is to be taken seriously, why is there such a thing as nonsense?"

Jed frowned unpleasantly at the words. The tapping on the desk was getting faster.

"What if a man was sick and offered you 100 gold coins?”

"Don't take it."

"There are 100 gold coins. Isn't it natural to accept it?”

"Sir, how could a sick man judge with clear reason? Do you receive it as it is? We don't even know how important money is to that person. If someone is willing to take money from a sick person, you have to doubt his humanity. If you say yes, and receive the money, then your personality is rubbish."

This time it was such an easy answer that Bernard was able to answer neatly.

"Damn it,” Jed slammed the desk with his fist.

Bernard thought somehow the Lord seemed very hurt as if he’d been told he was a piece of crap. He wasn’t the type who’d be disappointed over 100 gold coins, so what was going on? Bernard agonized over this for a moment.

***

Two days after Duke Heint's visit, as soon as she was well, the Duke told Lucifella, "You'd better go down to the estate."

"Why?"

"I think it's better for you."

His expression and manner of speaking showed his concern. However, "Go down to the estate" meant moving from the place where she was currently living.

Lucifella felt anxious. She hadn't even gotten used to this strange country yet, and now she had to move somewhere else? What would happen to her if she went to a province other than the capital of Yansgar?

"No, I don't want to."

"Lucy."

The Duke spoke sternly. Looking at his silver-blue eyes, Lucifella realized that he had already decided and that she had no say in that. She bit her lip slightly and asked, "Why?"

The Duke looked uncomfortable at the question.

"You should rest away from the capital....”

"I mean, why do I have to be away from the capital?”

The Duke attempted to evade her persistent gaze, but Lucifella stared into his eyes.

"It looks like bad rumors are spreading about you."

"What rumors?”

"That you're out of your mind."

Lucifella bit her lip again at the words. All the rumors that she was "out of her mind" were self-inflicted. It wasn't even wrong to say that.

Every part of her that had once been Estelle had disappeared: the strength of her body, her muscles, her sword, and her colleagues.

She was mournful of Estelle, who had died like that, but she also could barely believe in her new existence. And Lucifella was also seeking revenge on Khalid. Doubts of existence and vengeance were coexisting within her. What kind of person had she become?

She had done all sorts of irrational things. Especially that day. Lucifella knitted her eyebrows as she recalled what had happened with Jed in the bedroom.

She remembered the deep kiss they'd shared, heat spreading between them as their lips came together. It was so strange to feel the muscular arms that supported her waist, the rough hands that swept down her soft cheeks, and the sound of his heavy breathing.

She had thought that she intended to kiss Jed after careful calculation, but now on reflection, it was a completely crazy, impulsive act. She was jealous of Jed, who had everything she didn't have, and Lucifella couldn't have her revenge, so she seduced him and tried to control him.

She knew when she saw the angry look on Jed's face. He was aware of it, too. He knew she’d been trying to take advantage of him. He wasn't that stupid, it was easy to see through such a clumsy act.

She'd fallen as far as she could, seducing a man and using his heart to seek revenge. Maybe she was really out of her mind. Lucifella smiled wryly inside.

"So, will you kick me out of the capital?"

"Lucy."

"What do you think, Father? Do you think I'm out of my mind?”

Lucifella twisted up the corners of her mouth. Her mind was racing. She felt as if Lucifella’s mind was protesting from within, ‘don’t complain to my father.’

“…….”

The Duke did not reply. And in that silence, Lucifella heard his answer. She was distant from the Duke, but it seemed like a part of her heart was falling apart somewhere.

She sighed, and then she let out a small dry laugh.

She felt so sorry at that moment for the real Lucifella that she could barely stand it. She understood how much Lucifella was loved, but she had not gained trust even with that love. It's not easy to trust someone. She'd just realized it too late.

"You’re putting me out of your mind and sending me to the estate because I'm a bother to you, father."

"I'm sorry,“ the Duke said painfully and bowed his head.

He looked distressed, but the Duke's heart did not reach Lucifella. Although the Duke loved Lucifella, he had prioritized other things at the most important time, when she was young and needed him most.

"I don't want to hear it,“ Lucifella said, being cold to him for the first time.

The Duke seemed surprised by Lucifella's sharp words. He must have been. Lucifella's real self had always smiled broadly, always had a cute expression and voice, and even if she got angry, she would take it out on someone else instead of her father.

But come to think of it, this Duke had loved her only in words, not in action. Why did he go back to the palace or to Duke Idris when she had been recovering? Why throw Lucifella into the fray at the autumn banquet? What had the Duke done in the time surrounding when the real Lucifella had jumped into the Imperial Palace Lake?

Even when Lucifella confessed to the Duke her feelings for the Crown Prince, the Duke had remained silent. Even when she jumped into the lake because of the Crown Prince, he didn't even get angry at the Crown Prince.

"Lucy..."

The Duke looked wounded, but the real Lucifella had lived with heavier wounds than this. At the tumult of ‘don't be angry,’ Lucifella shouted in her heart, ‘shut up,’ and told him, "I'm not doing well at all."

Estelle didn't know much about the real Lucifella, but the brave Lucifella had always told the Duke that everything was okay. But Lucifella wasn't going to say that now.

The Duke sighed and reached out and put his hand on her head.

"Later, later, you'll understand. Later……."

When would that future come? In the end, the Duke had given up on his daughter.

Lucifella looked at his face without answering, and he avoided her gaze. Lucifella was about to ask if he had no pity for his daughter, but she quickly bit her tongue.

The Duke was not totally wrong. Lucifella realized that she might do something crazier if she remained where she was. It would be best if Lucifella left the capital immediately. Whether she was Estelle or Lucifella, things would get worse if she became any more emotional. The situation had to be kept from deteriorating further.

Lucifella struggled to suppress her boiling emotions.

"All right, I'll go.”

***

Preparations for the estate were hurriedly completed. The Duke seemed to have prepared himself during the time Lucifella had been ill in bed.

Initially, she was supposed to lie down a little longer at the doctor's recommendation, but Lucifella said she would leave immediately. The next day, since she had decided. The maids and the Duke attempted to dissuade her but to no avail.

Wouldn't she be able to come to her senses if she were left alone, away from the Duke, from the Emperor, from Khalid in the Imperial Palace? Maybe she’d find the answer to the question about Estelle. That was her thought process.

On the day of her departure, Lucifella's carriage was sumptuously prepared by the Duke with all his heart and soul.

The maids standing next to her admired it. The carriage was large, with delicate gold patterns, horses of good quality, and strong wheels.

"I prepared it for you. There's a cushion filled with baby goose feathers. You'll be able to sleep on the way."

In the meantime, Lucifella recalled that such a fancy carriage was likely to be targeted by bandits, thinking about how many escapades happened and how poor the security was. Fortunately, the road to the estate seemed to be safer because of the hired guards.

"Since it's been a while since you've been there, you might want to see the gemstone mine. Tell Matty if you’d like to see it.”

Lucifella did not reply to that. She knew what the Duke wanted was Lucifella's "okay" and a goodbye smile. But she didn't want to say or do as the Duke wanted. She tried to get on the carriage without saying goodbye, but somehow, that felt uncomfortable.

Lucifella turned around again and walked to the Duke. The maids cleared the way. The Duke smiled brightly at Lucifella. Even then, Lucifella's stiff face didn't unravel.

"Father."

Now the word father came out smoothly.

"I'm not okay."

The Duke's face hardened again. When his face was filled with an unknown sadness, Lucifella let out a low sigh.

"But once I’m okay, let me come back. I won't cause you trouble then,” she said.

This was her commitment. She was determined to be alright. If she could return to the capital, she would no longer act clumsy and weak.

"You'll do that for me, won't you?”

The Duke tried to understand the full meaning of her words. She took his silence as a sign of rejection, but he soon sighed and laughed.

The Duke came closer to her. She felt a warm pressure as Duke embraced her and patted Lucifella's head very gently.

"Yes, I will."

His eyes turned red.

"That's right, when you're fine."

Feeling the affection in his arms, Lucifella felt a sense of resentment and loneliness. That may be what the real Lucifella had felt for the Duke.

"You're my daughter. You should do your best, and so will I."

Lucifella smiled at the answer. After the short and long goodbyes, Lucifella grabbed the hem of her skirt and bowed gracefully, then climbed into the carriage

Her heart skipped a beat when she thought of going to a new place. She might be able to think a bit more easily while being separated from everything, and she'd try to recover her health. It shouldn't take that much time, and it wasn't like Khalid was going to be running away anywhere.

She listened to the sound of a horse neighing along with the sound of the wagon wheels rolling.

Indeed, the carriage was comfortable and seemed adequate for the long journey down to the estate. The view of the capital passed through the window.

Back then, in the Duke of Heint's carriage, she had also watched the evening view of the capital.

What would happen to the Duke of Heint?

Rumors had spread that she was crazy, but come to think of it, he didn’t come even though he must have heard it. She opened her eyes wide to that fact as she suddenly realized it.

Or had he not believed the rumor in the first place?

But even Lucifella's father thought she was crazy...…. Lucifella shook her head.

'No, you wanted to see with your own eyes if I was really crazy.’

She thought scornfully. Then she frowned and shook her head faster. The shame of what she had done kept coming to mind.

The kiss! She kept trying to get rid of the thoughts that were in her head. Roisa watched her anxiously.

When she was trying to think of something else, she heard a murmur, and the carriage stopped.

What was it? She naturally sat straight up because she was nervous. Knock Knock. She heard a knock on the door.

She looked at Roisa, who was sitting in the front. She was nodding off, but she looked up startled and quickly opened the carriage window before she knew it.

"His Highness, the Second Prince, is here."

Lucifella frowned and opened the carriage's door at the words of the escort knight. They could not greet the Imperial family in a carriage.

As she went down, holding the hand of the guard and slightly holding the hem of her skirt, she saw the prince riding a white horse. As Lucifella approached him, Yiojif jumped off the horse, pretending to be clumsy.

"Heya. I nearly missed you, My Lady, before you left."

He looked like a picture. It could have looked that way if it wasn't for those thick black glasses frames. Tying his long dark blonde hair, he had a friendly smile over his glasses. When he saw Lucifella's face, he let out dry laughter.

"I've been so concerned with your health. After that time when Your Lady had fallen and was taken to the mansion, I couldn't inquire about you in case I caused you any trouble."

Lucifella was saying all sorts of nasty things to herself about that sneaky prince.

He was Estelle's least favorite kind of human.

"What brings Your Highness the Prince out of the palace?”

"Oh, me? I had a limited-edition book that I wanted to buy. I heard that the author who wrote the manuscript of "Play in Dreams" was found! Then, I saw My Lady leaving the capital and followed."

'You are collecting manuscripts, my ass. It seems you are continuing to use it as a facade to disguise yourself as a bookworm even though you could handle a sword as if it were a part of your own body, sneaky jerk!'

Yiojif, who saw Lucifella's glum look, said, "The 2nd Knights suffered a lot. You remember, don’t you? When we met last time, he was the one who was under that balcony."

His words abruptly shook her. Her previously relaxed expression sharpened immediately.

When Lucifella looked at Yiojif, she was glaring at him. He was asking silently with his deepening smiling face - ‘you still dare to make that face?"

When he saw Lucifella’s face, he seemed excited and said, "Oh, Lady Aydin. The Commander of the 2nd Knights helped me a lot when you fell. It's better to say hello, right?”

Yiojif looked back and gestured.

"Duke Ruirk."

Her heart was beating like crazy when she heard his name. From the beginning, the second prince didn't seem to have any intention to let the mysterious emotional reaction she had shown to Khalid pass quietly.

Yiojiff, who smiled with an innocent expression despite Lucifella's blazing glare, looked gentle and friendly.

She heard heavy footsteps approaching. Lucifella couldn't bring herself to turn her head and look back at the sound of footsteps behind her.

"I greet Her Lady Aydin."

A very familiar voice rang in her ear.