The drive is long.
It’s familiar to Nica. She’s driven it enough to know the holes in the road, the traffic, the bumpy transitions between gravel and pavement. This road feels as familiar to her as her own street at this point.
The drive is long, but it’s usually longer.
Usually it’s closer to two hours and fourteen minutes but today, today it’s just an hour and fifty minutes.
They’re meeting in the middle. At their rendezvous point.
Kai is at work. Nica has some time off, has shuffled tasks and errands around to clear five hours for this drive while Kai thinks she’s at her own place of work. He never asks what she does during her day or if she went out for lunch, so she knows there won’t be any questions waiting for her when he comes home that evening. He’ll kiss her on the cheek with a smile, sniff whatever she’s cooking with a happy hum, and offer to help out before changing into more comfortable clothing. In sweats and a tee he’ll drop down onto the couch and ask what she wants to watch on TV after dinner.
He’ll be perfectly lovely and normal but he won’t ask about her day because he expects her day will be like every other day -- every other day that he never asks about so really what does he think she does? If she asked him, would he know the typical routine of her work day? Or does he think being a journalist is just writing in notebooks? Does he think she has a Buzzfeed sort of job? Or does he know that she writes about real things that are happening in their city.
Nica never tells Kai about her big stories. He never asks. He doesn’t read them anyway.
Not like Alejandra.
Alejandra is subscribed to LunaQuill just for Nica’s stories, to the Zine Inc. for her articles. Bimonthly issues of Nica's series, weekly
and
monthly issues of the magazine -- Aly has always been there for everything since she found out. She even texts Nica after reading any work penned by the noirette. Alejandra asks questions. Alejandra asks about the characters, real and fictional; about the interviews and Nica’s opinion on them; about what's next. Alejandra asks because Alejandra
wants
to know.
So Kai is lovely and normal.
But he’s not --
Nica is forty five minutes into the journey.
She’s about to pass the field with the broken fence, the one she used to wonder about when she drove past it the first handful of times. What broke it? Bored kids? Veering car? Runaway cow? She kind of hopes it’s a runaway cow, making a break for the freedom of the matching field on the other side of the road.
She passes the broken fence.
Checking her watch, Nica shifts nervously in her seat. She hopes Alejandra is on time. They only have ten minutes.
Nica scoffs at herself as she turns down a smaller road. When has Alejandra ever been late? The woman has never been even a minute late in her entire life. In fact, she’s always early. Alejandra is probably already there, sitting quietly in her car, maybe catching up on the masses of emails she probably received during her hour drive.
The thought makes Nica press down just a little harder on the accelerator.
Alejandra had more time for today. Nica is the reason they only have this tiny blip of space in which to see each other. They’re used to full days and the occasional overnight stay, and even two entire weekends last fall. Spring is struggling through the damp ground leaving winter behind and starting the long two months that separate Nica and Alejandra. They’ve not seen each other since January, a series of unfair twists of fate that have ruined their plans one after the other. Sudden events, influxes of work, spontaneous days planned by spouses posed as surprise romantic gestures. Those activities and trips had both Alejandra and Nica pretending the stinging beginning of tears in their eyes was due to joy over the surprises rather than disappointment and yet another cancelled chance.
Two long, long months.
It would have been another month if not for the stars finally aligning for them today. It was last minute and rushed but worth it.
Worth it, worth it, worth it
pumps through Nica’s blood as she gets nearer to their meeting point, making her almost jittery, making her have to focus on driving to avoid jerking the wheel from the giddy thrum of her pulse.
Alejandra is her own boss but still can’t often decide to simply take a day away from the office. Too many meetings and calls and imminent disasters keep her bound to the building, but today she was able to get free.
Nica had called her that morning, on her way to work while feeling a lonely sadness building into a frantic sort of energy. Before she knew what she was doing she’d pulled out her phone and called Alejandra.
“Nica. Hey, are you --”
“I can’t. I can’t do it.”
"What do you mean?”
“I mean, I can’t not see you for another month. It’s been
too
long. I--
”
“Okay, okay, it’s okay.”
“It’s not okay! I miss you, Al. I need to see you. Just for a while, even just for a
minute
. If a minute is what I can have then I’ll take it. Please.”
“I miss you too. So much.”
“I’m driving over.”
“Darling, that's a four hour trip for you and I have a board meeting at 4 that I can’t miss. I’m sorry.”
“Are you busy before that? I’ll drive to see you before it.”
“I’m not letting you drive all the way here for just ten minutes before you need to leave.”
“I don’t care.”
“I
do
care. I’ll meet you halfway.”
“But your work --”
“You have work too. Can you take a long lunch break? I have space from about half one. I’ll drive down and meet you where we first met. We’ll have ten minutes, maybe fifteen, then I’ll need to head back.”
“And so will I?”
“Okay. Okay. So we’re doing this? For ten minutes?”
“It’s worth it.”
“It is.”
It's only five minutes away. Nica has to use half her brain power on not jiggling her foot in anxiety and excitement, while the other half somehow manages driving and playing
Aly Aly Aly
on a loop.
It’s been like this for… seven months now, give or take. It was never supposed to start in the first place but god, like moths to a flame, like magpies to silver, Nica and Alejandra were drawn to each other. Nica didn’t even know she was gay, still isn’t sure what she’d label herself as if she had to. All she knows is that Alejandra is… Aly. And Aly is someone who Nica would betray her husband for, someone she’d drive hours for just to spend the night, spend the day, spend
ten minutes
with.
It started with an accidental shared coffee on a work trip. The only seats available was along the bar and the two had been perched side by side.
“The sticky buns go great with that,” Aly had said when Nica had ordered Alejandra’s most favorite coffee.
“Thanks,” Nica had replied with an amused smile, “but I prefer salad.”
They talked. They joked. Alejandra touched her hand. Nica got confused. Nica hoped the flush of her cheeks wasn’t obvious. They swapped numbers and Nica held onto that confusion for a day and a half until Alejandra text her asking if she’d like to join her for dinner. Of course, Nica said yes. Kai didn’t even ask who she was meeting when she told him she was going out for dinner with a friend. Wasn’t he supposed to care? Friends of hers had partners who were interested to know, some probably disguised as jealousy, others genuine interest. But Kai didn’t ask, Kai just smiled and said okay and told her to have a nice time while he turned back to the football.
So Nica went for that dinner. And at the end, outside, while she waited for her cab after arguing against Al having her driver take her home, Aly kissed her. And Nica didn’t stop her. It was soft, and Nica felt… alive.
Alejandra’s hand was soft at her cheek while Nica’s own nervous fingers fidgeted before settling gently, gently, on Alejandra’s waist. Then, when they drew apart, Nica opened her mouth and --
“I’m married.”
God, she still cringes at that outburst.
Alejandra had looked shocked and stepped back, almost looking angry, but Nica reached out. She couldn’t stop herself.
“I’m sorry,” Nica said timidly, “I just- you’re- there’s something about you. I feel… I don’t understand it. You’re
warm
.”
Al purses her lips but her eyes, her green eyes softened somewhat.
“I’ve never been described as warm before.”
“That’s what you are to me,” Nica had insisted sadly. “You make me feel warm. And I’ve been… so
cold.
”
And it started from there. Two weeks of bliss, two weeks of stealing away from home and work and Kai to see Aly, to breathe her in, to wrap herself up in the woman and lose herself in brown hair and bright eyes and
warmth.
It broke Nica’s heart when Aly had to leave.
It mended Nica’s heart when Al texted her the moment she reached home.
They never stopped.
Secret meet ups for kisses and coffee, days off spent in each other’s arms, stolen afternoons and carefully arranged nights, all of it made Nica feel alive. But it wasn’t the sneaking or the cheating that made Nica burn with electricity, it was Alejandra.
The cheating she could do without. It left her with a sour stomach once the warmth of Alejandra was gone. It left her feeling guilty and rotten, a bad person who abused the trust of a good man. But the longer it went on, the more Nica started to believe that maybe Kai knew. Or at least, wouldn’t mind if he knew. She gets the feeling that Kai would be happier without Nica, just like she is without him.
It’s a subject she wants to broach. She wants to sit him down and talk to him about the possibility of a separation, because she truly feels he’ll be just as better off as she would be if they were to part ways. She just has to find the courage. And a way to break it to her own family. God, she can feel her family’s disappointed surprise from here.
But even if she did leave him, even if she got through all that, there’s still the matter of Michael.
Because Nica’s not the only one tied up in something she wants to leave.
And what’s worse, Nica
knows
Mike. He’s an old fling, a flirtation that never really left the ground, but at some point he’d moved and then lo and behold, happens to be dating Alejandra Castillo. It’s some sick joke played by the universe, surely, to have an old friend date her secret lover.
She and Michael rarely talk, so there’s no way she could have known about Alejandra before they met that fateful day over coffee and iced tea, but god does it make it all worse.
Alejandra’s boat is not similar to Nica’s. She’s not trapped in a stagnant marriage that feels more like a good friendship than a romantic relationship. She’s in a relationship for
appearances.
Aly hates it. Nica hates it too.
There’s a media storm around Mike and Aly in their own city, apparently. The news is positive when it comes to the couple, and Alejandra has found the positivity does her business the world of good. She’s spent years doing her absolute best to turn her family’s wreck of a company into something
brilliant
but no one cares, only ever keen on spreading made up vitriol about the doctor, insulting and abusing her in a way that manages to stop her progress. Alejandra just wants to help people, she just wants to create technology that can improve people’s lives and the medical world, yet bad media seems to halt her production lines and turn away her investors. A single date with Michael captured on camera had turned that around. The ice queen, preceded by a cold front was suddenly someone worth watching, a kind and well-mannered man on her arm making her appear likeable and…
warm.
Nica knows full well that Alejandra is warm all on her own. Alejandra doesn’t need a man to be the wonderful and genuine woman she is.
But what can Nica do? The one time they argued about it, when Nica snapped that Alejandra should break up with the man, Alejandra had retaliated by throwing a pointed and wounded frown at Nica’s wedding ring.
She made sure to remove the rings after that.
Nica is one minute away from Magpie Point.
Thirty seconds.
Ten.
There’s Alejandra’s car. Black and shining in the mid afternoon sun, pulled into a small car park for what Nica knows to be a nature reserve. Her heart beats thickly in her throat as she parks her own car next to Alejandra’s.
A black door swings open and Nica hurries to open hers.
They meet in front of their cars. They meet in the middle.
Lips meet before a single word is spoken.
It’s soft and gentle, just like their first kiss, just like their second and third and fourth. Even their most passionate kisses are somehow still soft, somehow still careful and precious while fueled by lust. This one is desperate and warm and
clinging
, like they’re incapable of separating.
It certainly feels that way to Nica. She doesn’t ever want to let go. Her hands find Alejandra’s warmth as one slides into dark hair and the other holds carefully at the back of a smart blouse.
Alejandra clutches at Nica. Someone’s tongue touches at someone’s lip and suddenly their mouths are open to each other, tasting each other, remembering each other. It’s heated and needy but controlled, the knowledge that they can’t go beyond this keeping them grounded. But that doesn’t stop the whimpers, the breathy moans, the satisfied sigh Alejandra makes when Nica presses her against her sleek black car.
Alejandra’s arms loop around Nica’s neck while the blonde’s hands settle greedily at Alejandra’s hips.
When Nica trails kisses down the smooth column of Alejandra’s throat, the woman’s moan is gasping. The sound has Nica desperate to move impossibly closer, to roll her hips forward and capture more of those sweet sounds from Alejandra’s lips, but she holds back. This isn’t the place and they don’t have time.
They’ll never really have enough time.
Instead, Nica traces back up over a fluttering pulse back to Alejandra who chases her, joining them back in a kiss that pulls a soft whimper from the blonde.
God, Nica is so in love with this woman.
“If things were different,” she whispers against Alejandra’s lips, “I’d be telling you right now that I lo-”
“Dont,” Alejandra murmurs, voice heavy with sadness that still somehow sounds fond, “not yet.”
Nica nods.
“I know,” she presses a kiss to the corner of Alejandra’s mouth, “but if things were different, if we lived outside of this bubble, I’d tell you every day, every minute, every second.”
Alejandra nudges her nose by the side of Nica’s as she touches their foreheads together.
“What about when we’re eating?”
Nica chuckles.
“Even then. It’ll be so gross. Chewed up food everywhere.”
Alejandra moans unhappily but smiles into the next kiss.
And that’s how they stay for two minutes, three minutes, four, five. They kiss and touch and sigh and hold, the wet warmth of tears eventually tracing down Alejandra’s cheeks, caught by Nica’s careful fingers at Alejandra’s jaw.
“Don’t cry,” Nica pleads, cuddling closer still to Alejandra, “please don’t cry.”
Alejandra sniffles, tightening her hold around Nica’s neck.
“I miss you, I miss you so much.”
So Nica holds her tighter too, so tight it’s almost painful yet nowhere near close to mirroring the pain in her chest.
“I know,” she murmurs, swallowing hard. “But one day, Alejandra, it’ll be our turn.”
“Our turn?”
“Our turn at happiness,” Nica kisses her carefully, kisses her cheek, kisses her chin, “our turn to be together, to feel what everyone else does without sneaking and lying. It’ll be our turn to live how we want to live.”
“Do you really think that’ll happen?” Alejandra asks meekly, rubbing her wet cheeks on Nica’s shoulder.
“I know it will.”
They kiss for minute eight. Minute nine. Minute ten. Close. Desperate. Loving.
“I have to go,” Alejandra murmurs.
“I know.”
“A month,” Alejandra squeezes Nica one last time, starts to lean back. “It’s only a month. We’ve gone longer.”
“We have,” Nica nods, clearing the emotion from her voice before it can take hold. “And maybe we’ll find another ten minutes on the way.”
“Maybe.”
They know not to lean back in but Nica is just so tired of their own rules and limits. She kisses Alejandra firmly, a parting goodbye that Alejandra moans into, cupping Nica’s cheek.
“Our turn will happen,” Nica promises as she takes a painful step back. “I’m gonna talk to Kai soon. I can’t keep… I-”
“Really?”
Nica hates the hopefulness in Alejandra’s voice, almost like she never imagined Nica would leave her marriage for Alejandra. It makes her reach out, makes her take Alejandra’s hand and squeeze.
“Really, it’s time.”
“Just tell me when,” Alejandra breathes out, “and I’ll end things with Mike.”
“But, your work --”
“-- has nothing on the happiness truly being with you will bring me.”
Nica has to really fight the stinging burn of tears threatening to fall. She takes another step back, and another.
“Every day, every minute, every second,” she tells Alejandra as she fishes her keys from her pocket, giving up and letting her tears fall. Alejandra smiles through her own sadness.
“Chewed up food everywhere.”
And Nica can’t help but laugh at that. She nods, flashes a watery version of the grin that never fails to make Alejandra beam back.
It works.
Nica focuses on Alejandra’s dimple as she climbs back into her car. They don’t say goodbye. They never do.
Through the windows she sees Alejandra rub furiously at her wet, flushed face. Nica rolls her window down.
“See you soon,” she tells Alejandra.
The woman nods. Smiles.
“See you soon,” she mouths.
The drive home is long. Home is a fine yet loveless marriage, a directionless heart, a home lacking the warmth Nica craves. Yeah, the drive home is long.
But one day, one day it won’t be so long.