The school bell. To most students, it simply means the start of another day full of fun activities. Attending classes, doing club activities, spending time with friends, hanging out at karaoke—the usual stuff. But to students like myself, the bell symbolizes something much more ominous. Something that makes your skin crawl or your hair stand on end. An ill omen, you might call it. Every time I hear its memorable chime, bad memories pour into my mind. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so dramatic there. I tend to let my emotions get the better of me when I’m feeling tired or upset. What I was trying to get at was that I don’t like school.
My name is Shako Ikitayashi, and I’m about as average as a student can get. I know, how original. Look, not everyone is born to become a superhero one day. So if you came here expecting to read some thrilling, action-packed stories, I hate to disappoint you, but you'll have to look somewhere else. Damn, there I go again. I guess I’m just tired. I haven’t had a good night's sleep in forever. You could probably blame my parents for that! I know that might sound harsh—and perhaps it is. They are my parents, after all. Still, I wish they would stop dragging me into their stupid arguments all the time.
Now, back to school. The bell rang just as I entered the school grounds. Other students rushed past me as if their lives depended on it—which, given this place, wasn’t that strange. Ashikaga High is known for its strict rules and sometimes old-fashioned traditions. So, most students feel that failing is not an option. Too bad I’m single-handedly dragging this school’s reputation through the mud.
“*Yawn* Hopefully that final late-night sprint was worth it.”
Midterms were coming up, which explained the tension hanging in the air. Some students were brimming with confidence, while others were using what little time they had left to cram as much information into their heads.
Once inside, I changed into my indoor shoes and walked up the stairs. When I reached my classroom on the second floor, I noticed my friend was standing near the doorway.
“’ Sup, Shako! Studied hard for the test? Um...is everything alright?”
I rubbed the dust out of my eyes and let out a big yawn.
“Morning, Rai! Ah, could be better, I suppose. I was studying until midnight, so I’m dead tired right now.”
“No kidding. You look like a zombie.”
Rai Sonoda has been my best friend since middle school. Back then, I was often bullied by other students, so much that I spent all my lunch breaks inside the boys’ restroom. If he hadn'st stepped in one day, I don't know where I would be right now. The next day, he came up to me and asked if we could be friends. When I asked why, he simply replied, “Do I need a reason?” That answer left me completely speechless.
Rai is liked by almost everyone and is good-looking too. Add to that the fact that he’s the captain of our school’s baseball team, and it's no surprise the girls here are crazy about him. I’ll admit, I’m quite jealous. He seems to have it all. Despite that, he doesn't think much of it. Instead, he likes helping people who need it.
“And how is it going back home?”
“Ah, you know, the usual arguing. At this point, I’ve become partially used to it.”
He heaved a heavy sigh upon hearing this.
“You know what I think about all this, don’t you? I wish that I could help you; I really do. But I can’t. Not because I don’t want to, but out of respect for your family. I don’t want to make things worse for your parents. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself...and neither would you.”
He paused for a moment before continuing.
“That said, if there’s one piece of advice that I can give you, it is this: don’t wait too long. Do something about it while you still can.”
“I know, I know. It’s just… I don’t know what to do. My dad is always drunk, and my mum’s hysteria has only got worse. It has made me question, ‘Would they be better off without me?’”
His expression suddenly hardened as he grabbed me by my collar and yanked me towards him.
“If there’s one thing I hate the most, it’s when people say that the world would be better off without them. Everyone has a purpose, Shako. You just haven’t found yours yet.”
He let go of me just as the school bell rang again.
“Come, we should head inside before the teacher gets here.”
As he turned to enter the classroom, I stopped him. “Thanks, Rai… for being friends with me. I still can’t believe you’d want to hang out with a nobody like me.”
He placed his hand on my shoulder and responded, “You’re not a nobody, Shako. Remember that.”
I followed him into the classroom and took my seat. While I stared out of the window, I could hear the others around me bragging about how well they’d prepared for the test. As usual, I tried to ignore them and watched as the last few students made their way inside. As I did, Rai’s words repeated through my mind. “A purpose, huh?”
About a minute later, a small disturbance started on the other side of the room. When I looked to see what was happening, I noticed the large silhouette of a man standing in the doorway. Everyone stopped talking and hurried back to their seats. With heavy and deliberate steps, he walked towards his desk, where he addressed the class in a loud, almost thunderous voice.
“All right, everyone! I'm covering for Ms. Hoga today. Today’s test is maths, right? Not that I care. I have only two rules you’ll need to follow: no talking and no cheating. Anyone who breaks them will have to see the principal—and trust me, that’s the last thing you want.”
Mr. Takui—also called ‘
The Bull
’—had arrived. Not much is known about him except that he’s our P.E. teacher and is almost always in a bad mood. Rumor says he once punched a kid into the hospital just for mocking his appearance. That’s why most students call him ‘
The Bull
’ now. He ordered two students to hand out the test papers. The whole classroom went silent. Even the smallest creak sounded deafening. Everyone was on edge, trying not to draw any attention to themselves. When the two students finished handing out the tests, our midterms officially began.
...
Time felt like it had stopped. I put all my focus into carefully reading the questions and answered them as best as I could. The first few minutes were especially stressful, but as I calmed down, I found that I was doing better than I thought. Maybe that late-night study session wasn't wasted after all. Finally, I reached the last question. Just as I was about to write my answer, a strange buzzing sound came into my ear. I tried to ignore it at first, but the buzzing got louder. Distorted. Wrong. Awful. It twisted into a cacophony of voices, all repeating the same thing:
“DO IT!”
“DO IT!”
“DO IT!”
I tried to focus on the test, but my eyelids started feeling heavy, and my neck felt as though it was about to give out. Before I knew it, my vision went dark, and my head slammed against the desk with a loud thud.
“Ten minutes remaining! Huh?”
Mr. Takui noticed me resting my head on the table and walked over.
“Mr. Ikitayashi, no slacking off! If you think sleeping during class is allowed, then you’re quite mistaken! Why don’t you go report yourself to the principal? Maybe that’ll teach you to go to bed on time.”
Some students snickered at his comment, but he silenced them with one look. Meanwhile, I couldn’t move my body. I had lost control, yet I still sensed and saw what was going on around me. It was like something had taken over me.
Mr. Takui was about to kick me out of the classroom when my body suddenly jerked upright. In the window's reflection, I caught a glimpse of my own eyes, which had turned big and empty—like a dead fish. Everyone, including Mr. Takui, stared at me in horror.
“
Mr. Ikitayashi...are you alright?
”
I didn’t reply. I couldn’t, after all. With a faltering motion, I dropped to my knees and reached for my backpack. The voices returned, this time saying:
“GRAB THE KNIFE!”
“GRAB THE KNIFE!”
“GRAB THE KNIFE!”
My hands rummaged through the backpack until they found what they were searching for. A box cutter that I kept there for arts and crafts.
“Boy, don’t do anything rash with that. Think about what you’re doing.”
Mr. Takui tried to calm me down as panic spread through the classroom. Some students begged me not to hurt them, while others simply stared, too frightened to speak. And then, the voices ordered:
“KILL YOURSELF!”
“KILL YOURSELF!”
“KILL YOURSELF!”
At that, my heart dropped. Slowly, my arm started moving towards my neck. I felt the cold edge of the blade pressed firmly against my throat. A small stream of blood seeped down my neck, staining my uniform. I begged for someone to stop me, to take the knife away, or to wake me up from this nightmare. But no one would. And then, with one quick motion, I slit my throat wide open. Blood started gushing out of the wound like a waterfall. Everything went silent—
—and then my body collapsed to the floor with a heavy thud. Screams and cries erupted throughout the classroom. Rai suddenly appeared at my side, with panic clearly visible on his face.
“Shako! Damn it, he’s losing a lot of blood. Mr. Takui, call the ambulance.”
Mr. Takui, who had been frozen stiff for just a moment, snapped out of it and called the emergency line. Rai hastily took off his uniform and pressed it against my throat in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding. But it wasn’t working. My senses began to fade.
Was this it? Was this truly how I would die?
If I had known that today would be my last… maybe I would’ve tried to fix my parents’ relationship. Maybe I would’ve tried to make more friends. Maybe I would’ve asked out the girl that I liked. Please, I don’t want to die!
I feel cold.
My breathing has stopped.
Everything is fading away.
.
.
.
And then, there was nothing.