Now, what is a man's greatest failure? Most of us don’t even know the answer to that question, but let me drop some logic on y’all to give you an idea of what it is.
“The greatest failure of man is that he gives up before he realizes how close he was to success.”
“No man is defeated on the outside until he has first been defeated on the inside.”
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage.” — Dale Carnegie
Now, I’ve mostly lived my life going by what Dale said. I keep it a stack—I have a serious problem where I physically cannot stand being inactive. When a challenge pulls up, I’m finna take it head-on just to get it resolved. If you’ve been reading my story this far, you already know your boy does not play about that.
But none of those quotes compare to the one thing I truly believe now. A man's greatest failure is the loss of his personal integrity, and the abandonment of his responsibility to others.
I was so caught up trying to get my get-back for her that I didn’t even ask if she was okay the day I woke up. I didn’t even bother to do a wellness check on her. Out of all the things I’ve ever done in my life, this is my absolute biggest regret.
The second I pulled into her driveway, I jumped out of the car before it had even fully stopped rolling. I ran up the steps to her front door.
I pounded on the wood until my knuckles bled, screaming her name over and over. But there was no answer from inside.
The only thing I could hear was music. It was blasting through the walls, shaking the glass of the windows. It was “Sweet Little Bumblebee”—her favorite song. Hearing that upbeat, happy, hyper-pop track blasting at maximum volume in the middle of the day felt completely wrong.
Deep down in my heart—no, in my very soul—I knew something was broken.
“Juliet!” I roared, slamming my shoulder into the door.
Still nothing.
I decided to say fuck it. I backed up, raised my leg, and kicked the door right near the lock with everything I had. I’d deal with getting the frame fixed later.
With a loud, splintering crash, the wood gave way. The door swung inward, banging hard against the wall.
I stepped into the apartment. The cheerful, energetic music was deafening, filling the empty air. I didn’t have to go far to look.
All I did was look up.
And when I looked up... it felt like time had completely stopped.
“...Juliet...?”
I said her name like she could actually answer, desperately hoping that maybe, somehow, I wasn’t too late. But there was only silence.
After forcing myself out of the initial shock, I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I cut the rope she’d used and gently lowered her to the floor. When I pulled her against me, her body was completely cold. I’ve heard people talk about bodies being cold in the movies before, but she felt like a block of ice shaped like a human. Yeah, I’ve seen people die before. This wasn’t my first time. But when it’s somebody you actually care about... man, this is different. You feel a heavy, freezing pain in your soul that you just can’t get rid of.
I called 911. Not to get her help, but just to let them know she was gone.
I wiped my face. I wasn’t even crying. I wasn’t even hysterical. What the fuck was wrong with me? I was supposed to be more emotional than this. Why on God's green earth wasn’t I crashing out right now?
Before the full weight of reality could hit me, I looked closer at her body. Her neck was bruised purple, and the life in her eyes was completely gone. I didn’t know how long she’d been hanging there, but it was long enough for her skin to lose all its warmth. Then I looked at her hands. The tips of her fingers were raw and bloody, and there was blood smeared on the rope itself.
I tilted her head to the side and felt her neck. That was the part that stung the most.
Her neck wasn’t broken. There had been no instant snap from the drop. The chair under her feet hadn’t given her enough momentum to end it quickly, which meant she had to suffer through every single second of suffocation. She’d clawed at her own throat—the blood on her fingers proved she had instinctively tried to fight to breathe at the very end.
She died in absolute, agonizing pain.
As I sat there on the cold floor, holding her, my eyes fell on a small, folded piece of paper sitting on her kitchen counter. My hands were shaking so bad I could barely unfold the sheet.
It was her handwriting.
***
Rico,
If you are reading this, please know that none of this is your fault. I don’t blame you for any of it.
I knew the moment you woke up in the dorms that you were going to try to do everything in your power to protect my honor. I found that so incredibly sweet. But I also knew that I was only going to be a burden to you.
I know you would’ve argued with me, and I know you would’ve done everything in your power to make sure I was okay. I know you didn’t mind having me around at all. But I still felt like a burden.
I hope to God you weren’t the one who found my body. I’m so sorry that I’ve traumatized you like this. But at least, at the very end, I know that I actually found somebody who loved me for real this time.
I know this is selfish. When you live your life, you don’t just live it for yourself—you live it for the people around you. Taking my own life means taking away someone you saw value in. But I just had to clock out, Rico. I couldn’t take the harassment on campus anymore.
I wish I was strong like you. You see a problem, and you just handle it yourself. But I’m not as strong as you are.
I am so, so sorry. Please, don’t do anything that will get you locked up again. I don’t want you to go through with what you’re planning for me. As my last wish, just let this go. Let him go, and try to move on. I know it’s easier said than done, but please do that for me.
Love,
Juliet
***
I stared at the crumpled paper, my knuckles turning white as I gripped the edges.
Let it go? the voice in my head whispered, and for the first time, the anger was completely gone. It just sounded hollow. She wants us to let it go... after what he did? After he drove her to this?
I looked down at her pale, frozen face. A heavy, suffocating silence filled the apartment, broken only by the cheerful beat of the music still playing from her speakers. Her last wish was for me to walk away. She wanted me to let Nathan live his life while hers was cut short on the floor.
My chest heaved as a cold, terrifying rage began to settle deep into my bones.
“HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU ASK ME THAT SHIT?!”
I grabbed her by the shoulders, holding her firmly.
“YOU CAN’T... YOU JUST CAN’T ASK ME THAT SHIT WHILE DOING THE MOST SELFISH SHIT ON THE PLANET!!! I CAN'T—”
I choked on my own breath, and then I just started crying. I was crying harder than I’ve ever cried in my entire life, the tears spilling hot over her cold skin.
“How can you expect me to let this go...? Just to take this on the fucking chin and not do a fucking thing about it?”
I just kept staring into her unmoving, lifeless eyes.
“SAY... say... fuckin'...” I buried my face into her chest, gripping her shirt. “Just a sign... please... just show me that, that...”
Put yourself together, my second voice cut in. It wasn’t whispering anymore. It was sharp, loud, and demanding. You’re so emotionally unstable right now that you’re literally talking to a fucking corpse.
“But...”
NO FUCKING BUTS!
the voice snapped. She is fucking gone. Acting like a crazy-ass nigga is going to get you locked up in a fucking psych ward. I’m not telling you to stop crying. But losing your goddamn mind like this is not going to help anybody. Now pull yourself together before the fucking paramedics get here. Do it for her sake.
I forced myself to pull it together.
The pain was still there, tearing my chest apart, but I made myself stand. I made myself breathe. By the time the sirens started wailing outside, I was quiet.
When the paramedics and the police finally burst through the broken door, I refused to step away from her. I just sat on the floor, holding her cold hand. It took three cops physically ripping me off her body to finally separate us. But once they got me away, I didn’t hold anything back. I told them everything. I laid out the rape and the blackmail. I told them exactly what had driven her to suicide, pointing directly at Nathan Rosario.
But despite me telling them everything, it didn’t do much.
We went to court a few months later, but his dad's money bought the best lawyers in the state. Nathan didn’t spend a single day in jail. The system did exactly what it always does—it protected the rich and let the victim rot.
The funeral was a mess. About half the school showed up, putting on a show of grief. It was fake sweet, but I guess it was still sweet. Thank God Nathan didn’t show his face there, because I would have crashed out and ended him the second I saw him.
I met Juliet's parents at the service. We sat together and talked about her. They told me they were just happy that someone had actually stayed by her side, becoming a real friend to their daughter and knowing everything about her. Hearing that almost broke me all over again.
Over the next few years, I kept training with Mr. Bone. It was the only thing that kept my mind off the anger, the only thing that kept me from throwing my life away. I eventually graduated college, keeping my nose clean and my head down.
And for her, I let it go.
I kept my promise to Juliet, for the most part. No vigilante hunt-down, no anti-hero shit, no blood in the streets. I was just a man trying to heal.
However, that didn’t last long.
Not by a fucking long shot.