I had to be smart about this. If I called OSHA the day after Tisha wrote me up, it’d be too obvious. She’d know for a fact it was premeditated. So, Step One of the master plan: I waited a week. Let her guard down. Let her think I took that little-bro write-up on the chin like a good boy.
Step Two was all about getting her on edge. I needed some customers to come in and raise absolute hell about the state of the lobby so she was already sweating before the state even showed up. My boy Zachary was the perfect candidate for this. Me and Zachary were the only clean people in our dorm. Michael? Michael stayed a nasty fat fuck, but he was also a total menace who lived for chaos.
I got both of them to come down to the shop and run a diabolical two-man on Tisha.
They walked in right during the dinner rush. Zachary did his part, acting completely disgusted, looking at the tray and pretending to gag at the smell of the grease. Then Michael went full-on Karen. He started loud-talking so the whole lobby could hear him, pointing out the sticky floors, the overflowing trash cans, and the dust on the vents.
“This is biohazard territory!” Michael yelled, holding up a lukewarm burrito like it was a weapon. “I’m calling the health department! I’ll get this whole place shut down by tonight!”
They didn’t hold a single thing back. Tisha was behind the counter, her fivehead sweating under the fluorescent lights, trying to quiet them down while they just kept turning up the volume. She was completely on edge, which was exactly where I wanted her.
But Zachary made it way worse. I didn’t even tell him to do all this, but the crazy motherfucker actually bought a live roach somewhere and put it right on his food.
“Hey man, what the fuck is this?!” Zachary yelled.
Tisha came running out of the office. “What is it, sir?”
“Just a goddamn roach on my chicken and burritos.” They both looked down at the plate, watching the roach literally crawl all over the food. Zachary shook his head. “This motherfucking roach has bigger nuts than me, it don’t make no sense.”
“Oh my God, I am so sorry, sir.”
No the fuck she wasn’t. We never had roaches in our food, and Zachary was just laying it on thick to make it worse for her.
“I’ll go make you another one,” Tisha said.
“Another one?!” Zachary snapped. “Oh, hell no. You better make this one free and give me a free meal.”
“Sir, it’s against our policy to give you a free meal.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I guess this big-ass roach didn’t get your attention, did it? Or maybe we can finish this conversation at the health department.”
“Sir, that’s not necessary—”
“Looks like I have to write a letter,” Zachary said, leaning back.
“Huh?”
“I’m about to write a goddamn, motherfucking letter!”
“Okay, okay! I’m sorry!” Tisha panicked. “The meal is free.”
That’s when Michael popped in. “Hold up now. Don’t be stingy. We want some extra shit for free. Otherwise, that health inspector is gonna be all on y’all’s ass.”
Tisha’s face turned red. “Now you’re kind of pushing it—”
“Shut the fuck up and make us your two biggest meals, bitch. Chop-chop.”
And oh boy, I was recording every single second of this shit. I had to be low-key with it, keeping my phone hidden near the prep station, but I got it all.
When Tisha walked back into the kitchen, she was absolutely livid. She started flashing out at me, trying to blame my station for the roach.
But I cut her off real quick. “I record all of my food prep, so don’t even try that shit with me. Wherever that roach came from, it came from the lobby or the table, not my station.”
She looked like she was about to explode, but she couldn’t say shit because she knew I had proof.
I did feel a little bad, though. In her rage, Tisha ended up firing one of the other workers who wasn’t even involved. He’d just said something to her—talking to her some type of way—and she just snapped and threw him out. I know that nigga was mad, and he had every right to be.
But it was all a sacrifice for the greater plan. I knew that once Jacob took over as general manager, he’d hire him right back. So I wasn’t even tripping.