Now, this is the part of my life that gets very annoying. It’s not because I don’t like the kids—I don’t. I fucking despise their father, the guy I murdered, but I would never take that out on them. No, it’s just the fact that babies cry so fucking much.
From what Jasmine told me, Nathan didn’t do shit when he was alive. He never changed a single diaper or fed the kids their bottles. The guy was an absolute, useless asshole. Honestly, because of that, I don’t even feel bad about killing his ass anymore.
Wow,
the voice in my head chimed in, sounding almost surprised.
So that completely killed every last bit of guilt we had?
“He can rot in piss for all I care,” I thought back. “All he ever did was make her life a living hell. I can treat Blake and Lucan a million times better than he ever could.”
And I did. Whenever Jasmine needs to catch up on sleep and take a nap, I stay up all night making sure Lucan is okay. I’m changing diapers and feeding him his bottles. The whole nine yards.
And when Blake needs help with his school homework? I’m a computer scientist. Math is literally my lifeline. I help him solve his problems, proving to myself that I’m the best step-daddy around.
Matter of fact, let me correct myself. I’m not their biological father. But these are my kids. I’m gonna raise them right and teach them to live by my philosophies.
Fuck blood.
But I have to say, my best dad move ever was when I did something very cool with Blake. One time, we were in the store and I was buying some groceries, right? He was walking by the snack aisle in Walmart, and he pulled on my arm.
“Mr. Rico.”
I haven’t got to the “dad” part yet. I’m not going to force him to call me dad. Hell, I just had my own personal experience of calling somebody else my dad, even though I don’t know how he’s gonna turn out in the end. Yes, I broke the fourth wall. This is my fucking story, shut the fuck up!
“What’s good, little man?” I asked, looking down at him.
“Can I have some chocolate?”
“You’re going to have to be more specific on the chocolate.”
He walked over and grabbed a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup and a Twix. Then, he grabbed a Snickers bar and a tube of edible cookie dough.
“Yo,” I said, crossing my arms. “Why do you want all of those sweets suddenly?”
“I just want some snacks is all,” he said, looking up at me with those big, innocent eyes. “Is it okay if I get some?”
“Little man, do you even know what’s in these things? Like, the type of chemicals you’re consuming into your body?”
“Uhh... chocolate?”
I let out a long, heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose.
Fizzy's Lunch Lab
... where are you when we actually need you?
“Look, I’m not going to break it all the way down for you, little man. But let me just read what is actually written on these things, okay?”
I grabbed the Twix first and read the wrapper out loud, making my voice sound like a robot:
“INGREDIENTS: Milk Chocolate (Sugar, Cocoa Butter, Chocolate, Skim Milk, Lactose, Milkfat, Soy Lecithin, Pgpr, Artificial Flavors), Enriched Wheat Flour (Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Sugar, Palm Oil, Corn Syrup, Skim Milk, Dextrose, Less Than 2% - Salt, Cocoa Powder, Soy Lecithin, Modified Corn Starch, Baking Soda, Artificial Flavor. CONTAINS MILK, SOY AND WHEAT. MAY CONTAIN PEANUTS.”
I tossed the bar back onto the shelf.
“If it was just milk chocolate and caramel with a crunchy bar inside, that is all that would be in there,” I told him. “So many chemicals and artificial ingredients for something so simple. So no, you cannot have these chocolates. But I will make you some homemade ones later.”
Back at home, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Mujahid taught me in prison:
“Everything in moderation, even moderation.”
He told me he got that quote from Oscar Wilde, which is a wise way to look at things.
Eating in moderation is always good as long as you don’t overdo it. After all, eating too much of a good thing is still bad for you. But my personal favorite quote is by Michael Pollan:
“You’re better off eating the real thing in moderation than bingeing on 'lite' food products packed with sugars and salt.”
Everything we see in the stores today was once made in a normal house using nothing but all-natural ingredients.
Mass production of a good thing just dilutes its quality because they start adding extra preservatives. It’s the same trash they put on fruits and vegetables.
Most store-bought snacks are loaded with simple carbs instead of complex ones. What I was planning to make might not be the absolute healthiest thing on earth, but I was going to make some clean, homemade versions of Twix and Reese's.
Plus, I was throwing in some Snickers and coconut Bounty bars.
I started with the Twix. I actually had to get a little bit of help from Jasmine for this one.
Cookie Base
1 1/4 cup almond flour
2 1/2 tbsp coconut oil
3 tbsp maple syrup
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp sea salt
Caramel
1/2 cup coconut cream (creamy white part from a can of full-fat coconut milk)
1/2 cup 100% pure maple syrup (don’t sub low-calorie or sugar-free syrup!)
1/4 cup coconut oil
1 tsp vanilla extract
Pinch of sea salt
Chocolate Coating
1 1/4 cups chocolate chips
1 tbsp coconut oil (to help thin the chocolate)
Instructions
Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a loaf pan with parchment paper.
In a bowl, combine all of the cookie base ingredients until a dough forms. Press it into the loaf pan and bake for 17–18 minutes until golden. Remove from the oven and let cool.
Make the caramel sauce—in a small saucepan over medium heat, add all of the ingredients. Bring it to a boil, letting it boil for 5 minutes. Stir frequently to prevent burning. After 5 minutes, reduce the heat to low and let it simmer for a few minutes until it’s thickened up and resembles a thick caramel sauce. Allow it to cool for a few minutes.
Pour the caramel sauce over the cookie base, spreading it out evenly. Then place the loaf pan in the freezer for 3–4 hours to allow it to firm up enough to cut into bars.
Once firm, line a large baking sheet with parchment paper. In a small bowl, add the chocolate chips and oil. Heat in the microwave in 30-second increments, stirring between each, until smooth. Alternatively, you can use the double boiler method.
Remove the loaf pan from the freezer. Carefully cut them into bars. Quickly dip each bar in the chocolate, using a fork to lift it out and drag it along the side of the bowl to remove any excess.
Place it on the baking sheet. Repeat until they’re all coated. Place back in the freezer for an hour or so before moving to an airtight container. Store in the freezer.
You can let them thaw a few minutes prior to eating for a softer bar, but these are best straight from the freezer!
Next, instead of doing Peanut Butter Cups, I decided to do massive peanut butter squares. Blake really likes Reese’s, so I wanted to make him some heavy peanut butter and chocolate sweets.
Peanut butter:
Look for drippy, smooth peanut butter with no added sugar. If it’s a little firm, microwave it for 20–30 seconds to soften. Any nut or seed butter can be substituted—I often make these with almond butter.
Keto maple syrup:
For sweetness and to bind the other ingredients.
Coconut flour:
My favorite no-bake flour that thickens the dough and keeps the bars soft and cakey. I also had some success with blanched almond flour, though if you go this route, you’ll need to add double the amount.
Sugar-free chocolate chips:
Optional, but if you want a peanut butter chocolate bar, drizzle some over the top.
Instructions
Prep:
Line an 8×8-inch pan with parchment paper.
Mix the dough:
In a large mixing bowl, add all of the ingredients (except the chocolate, if using) and stir to combine. If the batter is too thin, add more coconut flour.
Shape:
Pour the batter into the lined pan and press firmly in place. If desired, melt the chocolate chips and spread on top of the peanut butter layer.
Chill:
Refrigerate the bars for 30 minutes before slicing and serving.
Then, I looked up the actual ingredients for a Snickers bar. This shit has a whopping total of thirty-nine ingredients. Thirty-fucking-nine ingredients, bro! These big-brand companies might as well not even call it chocolate, nougat, and caramel with peanuts. Like, Jesus Christ. But you know what? Fuck all of that. I decided to make some big-ass Snickers bars that looked like five-dollar footlongs.
Base
1 cup (130 g) cashews
1 cup (240 g) coconut cream
3 tbsp maple syrup
Pinch of fleur de sel
Caramel
1 cup (260 g) peanut butter
3 tbsp maple syrup
1 tsp vanilla extract
Topping and Coating
Roasted peanuts
Dark chocolate (70% or higher)
Fleur de sel (basically just fancy, flaky salt; you can sub a tad bit of normal salt)
And did you guys know that a normal Bounty bar in the store is only twenty-one percent coconut? Like, where is the love at?! You know what I’m gonna do? I’m making my own, and I’m giving this bitch eighty percent coconut. Fuck what they’re talking about.
Coconut Filling
2 cups (160 g) unsweetened shredded coconut
½ cup (120 ml) thick coconut cream
3 tbsp maple syrup
1 tsp vanilla extract
Pinch of fleur de sel
Coating
200 g dark chocolate (70% or higher)
1 tbsp coconut oil
You guys want to know what’s crazy? These massive food companies make it seem like making this stuff is rocket science. But it’s simple as hell. This is what happens when you let capitalism completely take over. People are out here saying, “
Fuck the quality, we just want the cash.”
Hershey’s did the exact same shit, until somebody with some goddamn sense stepped in. You mean to tell me it took the grandson of the founder of Reese’s to make Hershey’s change their recipe back to the original? This is exactly what I’m talking about. Only people in power can make real change, but most of the time, people don’t have any integrity with their power.
But then you look at a guy like Mike Ilitch, the founder of Little Caesars. He was actually a decent, honest man. Sure, he had money. But he followed the main principle of God's teachings: “
What is the point of a man gaining the whole entire world, but losing his own soul?”
To me, he was a real man of God. Not like these fake-ass pastors who have money and claim they believe, but won’t even give a single dime to a homeless person on the street. Am I saying Mike Ilitch was a saint? Fuck no. None of us are. But he did a hell of a lot more for people than most rich folks. When Rosa Parks was attacked at her home in Detroit, he quietly paid her rent and got her a new, safe house to live in for the rest of her life. And nobody even knew about it until after he died.
Being a good person isn’t about what you do in front of a crowd. It’s about what you do when absolutely nobody is watching.
But let me stop. I’m talking too much about my own philosophy, and I’ve been chatting way too much. Let me go ahead and tell you what actually happened next.
While I was cooking up all of this stuff, Jasmine was hanging out in the kitchen with me, holding baby Lucan in her arms.
“Geez,” Jasmine smiled, watching me work. “You’re really going all out for Blake, huh?”
“Pretty much,” I said, mixing the coconut cream. “I wanted to teach him that you don’t always have to buy stuff if you can make it yourself. It’s cheaper that way, as long as you buy the right ingredients.”
Jasmine let out a soft laugh, teasing me. “We make all of this money, and you’re still cheap, huh?”
“If you’re going to get on my ass for being cheap, get on Mike Ilitch's dick, too,” I retorted, not even looking up from my bowl. “At least he’s transparent about being cheap as fuck, and people still buy his shit because he makes it more accessible.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s fair.”
On her shoulder, Lucan looked over at me, babbling and reaching out with his tiny hands.
“I think he wants you to hold him,” Jasmine said, leaning in.
“Cool. Can you finish this up? Everything is already set, so you just have to put the chocolate over all of them.” I reached over and took Lucan from her arms, cradling him against my chest. “Make sure the chocolate is spread nice and evenly, and scrape off any excess. I want these to have a nice little crunch when you bite into them.”
Jasmine took the spatula from my hand, looking down at the trays. “So you want me to put these in the oven?”
“Nah,” I said, gently bouncing Lucan in my arms to make him laugh. “These are all no-bake recipes. You just need to put them in the refrigerator or the freezer to let them set properly.”
She finished coating the remaining ingredients in dark chocolate and put the trays into the refrigerator to let them set.
“I know I say this a lot, Rico,” she said, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel, “but I really appreciate what you’re doing for the boys.”
“You’re saying that like they’re not my kids,” I said, gently bouncing baby Lucan in my arms. “Biologically no, but legally they are. Like I said before, I can’t love you without loving them, too. Love can’t just be cut in half like that.”
“Yes, you adopted Lucan,” Jasmine said, leaning against the counter and looking up at me. “But I’ve always wondered why you didn’t get the adoption paperwork for Blake.”
“Well, that’s different,” I explained, looking down at the baby’s smiling face. “Blake is old enough to actually remember things. Hell, he knows exactly who his biological dad was. But Lucan? Lucan is still a baby. If I’m around him twenty-four-seven, he’s already gonna know who his dad is, even if we don’t look alike.”
“So, you’re letting Blake have the choice to be adopted by you, instead of just forcing it on him outright?”
“That’s exactly why.”
“I get it,” she murmured. “You want him to choose you instead of you just stepping in and saying, 'I have paperwork that says I’m your dad, so you have to listen to me' type of deal.”
“Exactly,” I said.
“I mean, think about it. If your mom started banging some random guy you didn’t know, and then a few months later he walked into your house trying to act like your new 'Daddy,' you would feel some type of way too, wouldn’t you? I know I would. If my mom had been an abusive piece of shit, and some new man tried to come in and treat me like trash, I would’ve beat the fuck out of him every single chance I got.”
Jasmine let out a soft laugh. “Which is funny coming from you, because you never even thought about doing that to your own mom, even when she was treating you like that.”
“DUH! She’s my mom,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Of course I wouldn’t think about doing that to her. But some random outsider trying to play father? Fuck ’em.”
Jasmine let out a quiet giggle, stepping in close and wrapping her arms around my waist. She looked down at Lucan, who was happily babbling in my arms.
“You’re one weird guy, you know that?” she whispered. “Doing all of this for some kids you don’t even know that well, who aren’t even yours.”
“Shiii, I’m part of the very small percentage of men who actually step up, regardless,” I said, my voice dropping. “Now, if you had cheated on me and these were another dude's kids, that’d be a different story. I don’t think a man should raise another partner's kid when they chose to cheat and the father didn’t want to step up. But if you meet a woman who already has children when you get together? Then you love her and her children the same. It’s only fair.”
Jasmine looked up at me, her blue eyes shining in the kitchen light. “So... you think it would be fair if I gave you your own?”
I stared at her, my brain instantly freezing.
Where the fuck did this shit come from?!
the voice in my head yelled, completely losing its mind.
“Yo... what are you talking about, man?” I stammered, my face getting hot.
“What do you mean, what am I talking about?” she smiled, her fingers lightly trailing up my back. “You know exactly what I said. We’re still young, Rico. We are more than capable of having a few more. Hell, you make enough money now, you can afford as many as you like~”
I looked down at Lucan, and then back up at her.
“Shiii,” I muttered, a genuine smile breaking through my shock. “I wouldn’t mind giving them half-siblings. I’ll love them just as much as I love our own.”
“Mmm. I like the sound of that,” Jasmine murmured, leaning up to kiss me.
But before our lips could even touch, the kitchen door swung open and Blake strolled in.
I love this kid,
my second voice sighed,
but goddamn, his cock-block game is absolutely elite.
“Yo, what’s good, little man?” I asked, gently setting Lucan down in his high chair. “Did you enjoy playing your Fortnite?”
“Yeah,” Blake nodded proudly. “I got three Battle Royales in a row. I decided to call it quits before losing my streak for today.”
“Smart man,” I grinned. “Never gamble when you’re already on a hot streak. Me and your mom just got done making the snacks I promised you. They’re going to be delicious.”
Blake looked skeptical. “Really? Because I know healthy stuff can’t taste good, too.”
“I mean, yeah, that can be true with most health foods,” I admitted. “Like, they swear to God that the cardboard they feed you in the school cafeteria is healthy, but it’s just barely edible enough to swallow. But nah, these chocolate bars I’m making are actually going to be good. It’s nice dark chocolate with a perfect touch of bitterness—not too much, just enough so it doesn’t get overpowered by the sweetness of the coconut and peanut butter fillings I made. They should be ready in about thirty minutes.”
Blake looked over at the stove, his brow furrowing as he stared at the dark glass of the door. “Why is the oven not on?”
“Because I didn’t need the oven,” I laughed, ruffling his hair. “All of these were made just to be put in the refrigerator. So as soon as they get done setting, you can just eat them straight out of the cold.”
We waited until the chocolates set, and then I let Blake try them.
The kid took a bite of one of the peanut butter squares, his eyes widening. He chewed slowly, looking completely stunned.
“Rico,” he said, looking at the half-eaten bar. “You... you did all of this just for me?”
“Pretty much,” I grinned, leaning against the counter. “I wanted to make sure you had some good shit to eat. Why?”
“My dad never did stuff like this,” Blake said quietly, looking down at his shoes. “He never really did anything for me when he was around.”
I took a slow breath, wanting to handle this right. “Look, little man. I’m not trying to replace your dad.”
“I don’t mind if you do,” Blake said, looking up with complete honesty. “When he was here, he wasn’t nice to Mom. And whenever we went out, he was always saying mean, condescending things to random women he didn’t even know.”
I stood there, completely silent, not knowing what to say. I didn’t want to talk trash about Nathan in front of his own kid. It would have been easy to do it just to be petty and spiteful, but I refused to stoop to that level. Still, I could tell that even at six years old, Blake had already recognized that his father was a complete piece of shit.
Before I could even find the right words, the kitchen door opened and Jasmine walked in. She’d been standing in the hallway, and she’d heard everything.
“He’s right, Rico,” Jasmine said, her voice quiet but firm as she walked over to stand beside Blake. “His father was incredibly misogynistic. Nathan saw men as superior and women as inferior. He genuinely believed that a woman shouldn’t even walk in front of a man, but always three steps behind. To him, women were nothing but baby-makers.”
I let out a low, cold scoff, crossing my arms.
“That way of thinking is completely backwards,” I told Blake. “Women are the most valuable thing on this entire planet, little man. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not telling you to go out and simp for some chick who isn’t worth a single Ugandan shilling, either. You have to have self-respect. But women are valuable because they have the ability to create life, which is something we can never do. Historically, men in ancient tribes would lay down their lives to protect their women. If all the men in a tribe die, but the women survive, the tribe can still grow and make more troops. But if the women die? The tribe is extinct. That’s just biology.”
Blake looked up at me, his brow furrowing. “Mr. Rico... how much is a Ugandan shilling?”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. I tapped my chin, doing the math in my head.
“A single Ugandan shilling is worth exactly point-zero-zero-zero-two-five US dollars. That means one of our dollars is worth about four thousand of those. So when I say a person isn’t worth a single shilling, I mean they are literally worth a tiny fraction of a penny.”
Blake’s eyes went wide. “Whoa. That’s really small.”
“Exactly,” I grinned, ruffling his hair. “But let me get back to the main point. I am incredibly happy to know that you didn’t let your father’s bad side influence you. Just because a bad person’s blood runs through your veins, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person inherently, either. You are your own man. I’m gonna make sure I raise you right, Blake. I see you as my own son. And hopefully, when I’m gone... my teachings will live on through you, making me immortal.”
Blake smiled, taking another bite of his chocolate.
And for the first time in six long years, I felt like the heavy, freezing weight in my chest was finally starting to lift.
Blake looked down at his half-eaten peanut butter square, his tiny fingers turning the parchment paper over.
“Mr. Rico?” he asked softly.
“Yeah, little man?”
“Can you... can you get the paperwork?” He looked up, his blue eyes dead serious. “I want you to adopt me.”
I stood there, completely frozen, before a slow, knowing smile spread across my face.
He heard us,
my second voice whispered, and it sounded warm.
The little nigga was eavesdropping the whole time.
“Yo,” I grinned, leaning over the counter. “Do you know that under Florida Statute section 934.03, it’s actually a third-degree felony to intercept or eavesdrop on an oral communication where there’s a reasonable expectation of privacy? I could technically have your little ass locked up for that.”
Blake blinked, looking slightly panicked. “Really?”
“Nah, don’t worry,” I laughed, ruffling his hair. “I’m not gonna snitch on my own son. I’m gonna go get those adoption papers drawn up as soon as possible.”
Jasmine smiled, tears of pure joy finally spilling over her eyelashes as she leaned in and pulled both of us into a tight, warm hug.
For a second, holding my family in that quiet, sunlit kitchen, I genuinely believed the nightmare was over. I believed I’d finally found my peace, and that we were going to be okay.
But I was wrong.
Because right after that night... This is exactly where things stopped being good.
This is where our lives turned into absolute hell.