I stared outside to look at the beautiful landscape before me. The natural beauty of the world shined through the glass wall, letting me see a reflection of my younger self outside this dreary world of mine.
The trees were ripe and blooming with sakura flowers; dropping petals here and there that were ripe with life, brimming with a chance for a better future. They glided like beautiful butterflies, burst from the cocoon from which they were born and becoming gorgeous creations of life.
It’s a huge contrast from me - a seventeen-year-old worthless girl that had nothing going for herself at all.
I'm a NEET. I'm a loser, a loner, and a fool. I'm just trash in human form; something that nobody should bother trying to empathize with. There are many more interesting people to meet out there, like my lovely dear guardian angel, Miss Yokoyama Hakuno herself.
Her long black hair was done in such a fashion that would cause a supermodel to glare with envy. Her cheerful, brown eyes were like beautiful lights on her flawlessly smooth skin. People often say she doesn’t look older than twenty. Long and slender legs supported her frame. She looked healthy; not athletic but far from being overweight. Hakuno gave off an aura that reeked of pride, beauty, and power, no matter what she did. None of that beauty went to me at all. None of the social grace, none of the mental strength, nothing. The only thing I inherited was her black eyes and black hair, everything else was garbage.
I’m not ugly, I’m also not pretty by anyone’s standards. My long black hair is frequently unruly and disheveled. Dark circles shadow the bags under my eyes from a lack of sleep. My brown eyes weren’t as bright as my mom’s. They’re dull and lifeless, often making my pale skin seem sickly. It doesn’t help that shorter and thinner than average. If it wasn’t for Hakuno, I’d probably starve.
My social life is even messier than my appearance. I'm not the kind of person who can go out and talk to someone about the latest video game craze. I'm not that girl who can go and talk to her senpai about her worries and get emotional help from them in any meaningful way. But Hakuno… She probably descended from heaven and the angels miss her dearly. . .
"Ah, Kamiko. Aren't the cherry blossoms beautiful? They're just like fireflies in a starry night, right?" I was yanked from going deeper into the dark pit of despair by my lovely mother, Yokoyama Hakuno. I took the time to turn towards her respectfully and nodded before turning around and staring back at the outside world once more.
"They really are beautiful," I said as I started to stare off into the distance, wondering what other paths of life I should've taken instead of this one.
"Ah, but so are you! My darling little daughter, about to get into her third year at Kurokawa High School! I'm sorry that you have to have an old lady like me embarrass you in front of your friends. I just have to see you at the entrance ceremony like usual!" I couldn't help it. I cracked a smile and chuckled a little at her remarks.
"Mommm, you come to my entrance ceremony every year. I kept telling you this entire month that there wasn't a problem with you coming to see me, I was just worried about the fact you were taking a day off. Wouldn't your boss be mad??" She looked at me for a brief moment while she was driving and modestly waved me off as if my concerns meant nothing at all.
"I told you my boss is fine with it... Really! You should stop worrying about me so much and worry about your plans after graduation and the great marriage partner you'll get in the future! Boy or girl, I just want to see you happy in the end!"
"Gah!" I turned away, my face blushing from her words. Her optimism and playfulness made a critical strike to my heart. I've lost too much health from that one attack! I can't help it, that was too much in one sentence!
The full context of the sentence hit me and I silently just crossed my arms and laid my head on them. It's true. This is the time that I would have to start worrying about my future and whether or not I plan to get married. I know that she wants me to have a partner I can be with for the rest of my life, but I honestly don't care that much about relationships.
I don't even want to go the entrance ceremony today. I have no friends or colleagues that would even be willing to talk to me.The only thing I want to do right now is go back to reading my massive collections of isekai books and playing all sorts of video games in my cool and dark room.
I have no attachments to anyone at my school. Besides the occasional bullying, I'm pretty sure no one even knows I exist at all. I'm just a loner, and I'm fine with that.
I get to spend more time with my doting mom, who is truly an angel in human disguise. Everything she does is for the sake of others. There's no darkness in her heart, she's completely pure of any ill intentions. Heck, she even forgave my father when he divorced her to date a 'better' woman.
I still haven’t forgiven that piece of human trash for such a detestable act. I promised to never meet him again, and I've kept that promise.
... God, even when I'm being driven to school by this perfect being, I still can't get myself to cheer up all that much. There's nothing good about me at all.
Future? What's that? I'm just a idiot who can't get any good grades in class, even if I try to study. I'm a girl who's being bullied and doesn’t care all that much. I can't understand relationships with other people and I can't bring myself to care much about why people have certain interests with one another.
Despite my lack of social experience, there is still light inside of me. A child that resides within me, telling me to do her best and make sure that mama will be happy for as long as possible. I made a promise to myself — I will strive to be the best daughter in the world and to take care of her as long as time itself.
I haven't forgotten that promise, but time after time, the end goal starts to look further and further away. Nevertheless, I still have an ambition to work towards. It is the least I could do to make up for my failures as a daughter.
I took another look outside as we continued down the road. The cherry blossom trees were in full bloom. They resembled pink clouds floating right above our heads, shedding down teardrops to tell me that they understood my feelings as well. I could appreciate the fact that mother nature herself was empathizing with me.
Unfortunately, humans aren't the same. I could see that from a cursory glance as well.
Couples walked around, laughing and grasping each other arms as they headed to whatever love hotel they were going to bang at. Groups of laughing children were running towards their school, oblivious to the dark, harsh reality that society had in store for them. It would be nothing but horrible years of work, overtime, and fleeting moments of freedom for the rest of their lives.
I wanted to laugh, but that would be rude and hypocritical of my horrible sigh. I could only sigh in response to their naïvety. Ganbare, the future isn't bright at all.
I felt something on the back of my neck, giving me a gentle rub as if to make me feel better. I quickly turned towards the motion in a jolt. I was surprised to see my loving mom looking right at me, giving me a sad smile as if she had read all of my thoughts completely.
"Cheer up, Kamiko. I know the future isn't bright, but put your head up! Where's that optimistic and kind girl I knew for years go? I know she's somewhere, deep down inside you. It's your first day of becoming a junior at the high school and you'll have a lot of underclassmen you'll have to support and cheer up! You can make many new friends, relationships, and connections that can help you in the near future. So turn that smile upside down and do your best, alright? That's the only thing I ask of you." A charming but blinding smile replaced the one before it. It’s intensity was strong enough to cause the evil, invading darkness in my heart to fade a little and a small grin painted my face.
It was times like these that I knew she could bring the light out from within my cold dead heart to revive my spirit and teach me to love the world once more. Her smile was enough to bring back those happy, childhood memories I had with her at my grandparent's house, enjoying the view and the world outside the city.
I truly do not deserve her as my parent at all. If she is ever reborn into a new life, I could only wish that she would birth the perfect child that could give her a bright and happy future. Someone that wasn't me — a failure that had an inkling of a chance to succeed at that task.
Before I could respond, we heard a large amount of honking and screaming. We both turned towards the source and to our horror, we both saw a speeding truck heading right for us with glaring headlights.
At that moment, it was as if time came to a standstill, and I was able to fully analyze the whole situation. I could see everything, the entire scene, and the world around me within an instant.
Numerous bystanders were screaming and horrified at the scene; some of them covering their eyes or turning away to not look at the impending crash. Others were filming this incoming disaster or taking photos for some sick disgusting reason… The sick bastards!
The truck driver looked horrified as he seemed to be pushing forward, desperately smashing the brake pedal and finding that it wasn't working. He had one hand on the horn, which he must have surely been using to try to warn us. Unfortunately, dear sir, your attempts were not fast enough, as my mom and I were about to get hit hard.
My mom. . . My heart wrenched in pain as though someone had started to yank it in different directions, shredding it into a million pieces. Her face had a look of surprise and utter terror. Her mouth opened in a death scream as she realized what was about to come. She was leaning far back into her seat instinctively while her survival senses were telling her to back away as far as she could from the incoming threat. Her eyes were dead focused on the oncoming vehicle, as it was the thing that would spell her doom.
There was nothing I could do. I was forced to sit there and watch as my lovely mother was about to be killed right before my eyes. It was painful.
... Oh, God. Oh God, if you exist somewhere out there, no matter how cruel or evil you are, please, please... Save my mommy! Save her from this death! Please, for the love of humanity, don't let her die!
Please, spare her from this death! I don't care what you do to me, just please make sure my mother survives! God, I beg of you, spare the one person that brought any kind of joy to my life! I will do whatever it takes to ensure she doesn't die, please!
I could only watch in horror as we impacted. The front scrunched up as we were both forced to go forward. The airbags expanded, briefly saving us both. Before I could rejoice, I spotted a random metal object spinning directly towards the subject of my prayers.
"Mama!" That was the only thing I could say at that moment. She could only scream in terror as the object rocketed forward, smashing through the windshield, as it was about to take off her head.
Then, as if by some miracle, the metal bar changed direction. No, it would be too cheap to say it merely changed its direction. It twisted abruptly, barely missing her head by three inches. The deadly, metallic spear bewitchingly aimed to attack its next target... me.
Before I could react, the bar smashed into my lower body and I could only jolt in surprise before we came to a stop.
The nerves in my body were on fire. I couldn't feel my stomach nor my legs. I couldn't scream as blood began to burst out of my mouth and threatened to choke me to death.
My mother turned towards me in a cold sweat and screamed as she desperately tried to undo her seatbelt to no avail. In her animalistic panic, she had forgotten the basics of a car and couldn’t figure out how to free herself.
“Kamiko, Kamiko, Kamiko!” Those were the only words that she could scream out of her mouth at that instant, all the while beginning to panic and losing her healthy visage all at once.
The burning was giving way to dead coldness, akin to that of a freezer. I was sweating as I witnessed my mom's anguish and pain. I tried to put on a brave front for her and gave her a smile to comfort her. I don't understand why she started struggling even harder, screaming and crying even more.
'Please, don't cry mom. It's better this way.'
I wanted to say those last words to her, to comfort her as my death came close, but I could only cough up blood and hear what my horrible, horrible body was saying.
"Please mama, it hurts. Please, hold my hand. It hurts." Instead of the comforting, relaxing words I planned for my mother’s ears, those childish, crying words were going to be the last things that came out of my mouth.
I wanted to scream in anger at my own body. I couldn't believe how low I could go to get one last bit of comfort from her.
I tried to say more, but blood was the only thing that escaped my now contorted mouth.
My body was betraying me; making sure my mommy wouldn't be able to live peacefully afterward. Even now, as I tried to have my mama's face be the last thing I would remember, tears began to swell up my vision and blur it endlessly.
Damn it, stop... Please, let me have this one thing! Let me be able to have my mama's face be etched into my dying memory forever, so I can honor her for the last time!
No, please. Don't frown. Just smile, mama. It hurts when you're sad. Please...
Let me be able to enjoy this life one last time before I go to sleep. After all, I was really tired, and now it was getting hard to keep my eyes open.