Chapter 2 - My Problem I
I wasn't always like I am now. I used to be a lot more... I guess normal. Not the exact right word, because I've always been unique to say the least? But... more normal than I am now, I can tell you that.
I'm not normal, and I never was. A normal guy, they call that Joe Six-pack. Well, Joe Six-pack, and remember I'm the one that said it? God's truth, right hand up to god himself, with god as my witness. Joe Six-pack? Random average guy off the street? Is kind of a moron.
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate people that weren't born real bright. Like hating short people, not their fault. Just like you're stuck with how tall you were born, you're stuck with your genetic IQ the same way. There's no flash cards your tiger mom can do that will change it. There's no self help book with "this one weird trick".
I'm pretty sure if you really sit and analyze a lot of things, you can arrive at unique strategies and ideas about stuff. That a normal person person probably wouldn't. When people tell me "you're crazy", they typically mean I'm not looking at things the normal way, or doing things the normal way. People close to me though, usually have to admit. There's a method to my madness though I have to explain it until they get it.
But rest assured, I was if not normal then definitely a lot more normal. Before... it happened. What was it, then. Not hard to explain. Bright but weird kid. Went to college. Got my associates and bachelors in mathematics and computer science. Yeah, not bragging but I was that "weird genius kid" no one can quite figure out in school. No one could quite figure out if there was a little touch of something wrong with me? Or... a lot of teachers and other people would put it this way.
"He reminds me a lot of some of the PhD's at my college I went to? And as we all know, some of the PhD's are just a little weird or different. He'll fit right in, on any big college campus that way."
And really, hitting college was light years ahead of high school and grade-school had been. Things were still never perfect? But, what the hell. They were never going to be. But yeah, light years ahead. There were other weird people, similar but different to me there. A lot of them were in the computer science department. I guess the one of "me" every high school has? They send them all to college, and we can hang out in the computer labs.
I had always developed a thing, from getting picked on as a little kid. Bookworms all go through this. You can ignore it, you can fall apart, or? You can go the other way. Start lifting weights, running, hitting a heavy bag... you know, trying to toughen up and make yourself a harder target. After several years of this in junior high and high school, this transformation was completed in college.
Given to be slender from running track and 10K runs all through school, my 6'1" frame always did run to a little slender. I filled out as a late bloomer in college. Years of lifting weights and all that jazz was finally bearing fruits. While I knew I'd never be the biggest, toughest guy on the block? Or as I put it... I'm not a tough guy, I guess I made it to half a tough guy.
Which was fine by me. The high school weirdo thing was magically dispelled, and I within weeks of hitting campus? Lost my virginity and started getting laid and having girlfriends. Which was really cool. I lean towards slightly weird or quirky chicks. I like anything just slightly off center, really. Gives it some... character. Workout or sports chicks. Tall girls. Girls doing okay in mathematics and computer science. Anything slightly out of the ordinary? I got a taste for it.
Girls that dress a little goth? Cool. Something different. A little new age? All right. So, when I say I ended up with a girl a little older than me, a graduate student. That was a little different? Makes perfect sense. She actually chased me. It ended up being my regular thing after a certain period of time.
I mean, there was finally someone just for me, you know? Was she perfect in every way, hell no. But lord knows I'm a little weird too, so. Guess it made perfect sense. We had our initial ups and downs like any boyfriend and girlfriend, but... it settled into a routine. At some point? I asked an older guy I looked up to.
"I didn't pick her, she picked me. I just... kind of woke up one day, and realized how long we've been an item? Like I didn't really notice it happening, and I didn't really get a choice."
Guy was wiser than I was. One of those sages you meet. He told me?
"Girls pick us, we don't really pick them. We just think we pick them, and they let us think that. And as far as you just woke up one day, and went what the hell, this is my steady girl now, couldn't get rid of her without having to hide the body? Yeah. Its like that. Wait a few years more. You'll just wake up one day, and ask who the little people running around the house are, fucking all your shit up. She'll go, those? Are our children. I'm making a joke, but... its kinda like that."
And, though I bitch and complain some here and there? I just complain to sound like everyone else I guess. If I really wanted out? I'd have run a long time back. And it was kinda cool. This? Is mine. Couldn't get rid of her if I tried.
I was a slightly weird guy, now I had a slightly weird female partner. I mean, how cool is that. I always had fished and worked out with "the guys", but... did it a lot more in college. Went to a local state university. Why waste money and more loans than you have to.
She was a couple years older than me. She was in graduate school, just finishing up. She went to law school and got a law degree. She's one of those people that drive and push themselves. She has to study 4 hours where I have to study 1 hour, to get the same results. But, she does it, that's her key element. She said she took her associates along the way to getting her bachelors, just to get the extra degree like I did. Just always thought an extra degree looked kind of cool, that double diploma frame in the office. Call me a little conceited, I just thought that was neat.
Her associates and her bachelors? Same as mine, Mathematics and computer science. She finished up her masters in education in math and comp sci, and was armed with a masters in education that was the minimum required degree status? To actually teach at a college herself. She took the extra credits to get her teaching certification, so... she could be a math teacher at a high school if she wanted. She did student teach a year for some high school math teacher that took a one year sabbatical on account of his health problems to go to the hospital for extensive treatment.
An over achiever, with parents that wanted their kids to be real tigers in life? Dad got her talked into and physically into law school in the city north of where I'm from, and she was local to my area. Not real close, but a half hour drive from my parents house. So... I graduate and get a computer programming job in what I think of as "my city".
Her dad used his connections? Got her a job as a lawyer for a state senator. Yeah, dad was all important and shit and knows and blows big wigs. Whatever. That led to her getting a job more or less politically oriented though not a politician herself? Out in the state's capitol.
Yeah. Parents hated me. Not mine, my parents love me. Her parents? I was some over educated white trash and was never good enough for their daughter of the important people. My dad worked in a steel mill his whole life. I mean, whatever. She's into me, I'm into her. Pretty sure dad could have got her a job locally, like he did for his son and other daughter? Magically, he hated me and located her halfway across my state.
Big career for her, you can't say no to that. So, she gets a house in this state's capitol, and I bought a gigantic "draft palace". Which is slang for a big old house perfect for a single guy. Yeah, she hated it. I wasn't in love with the city, but. Again, whatever. Was this all perfect, life happy ever after? No. Of course not. But, this is the best of all possible worlds. I mean, I can live with this. Life could be worse.
I'd drive out and stay there one weekend? She'd come back in to see her family and stay with me the next weekend. Her family? Whatever. Told her for years. I don't give a flying fuck about your rich important daddy, I don't want a thing from him. I never once tried to borrow money, ask for help getting a job, nothing. Mister important ran around telling everyone about the "bum" she took up with, vowing I'd never get anything from that family.
Like I ever wanted jack shit. Other, of course, than to bang his little princess silly. Which I did. And she? Liked it like that. I wasn't over their house more than a couple times, and once for dinner? I wasn't allowed over anymore. Got treated like an asshole. I tried, but... what can you do.
I had always pictured, having a fiancee I'd be more of a fixture? But not so much. She spent all important holidays with her at her family's house, doing family shit. Which of course I'm not invited to. My friends all noticed I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners at the truck stop. In place of being a bar hopper? I was a couple nights a week at the truck stop. That, was my "going out", drinking too much coffee a couple days a week staying out late on the weekends.
I bitched about the family routine, but. What can you even do. This? Was my life. It wasn't perfect by any stretch, but... it could be worse. We did stuff together, just like any other young and actually married couple. My fiancee, I got her a couple thousand dollar useless rock for her finger she bitched and prime whined and carried on for until she got? Then never wore it. Because god forbid a big important big wig saw it on her finger and told big daddy. Christ.
She couldn't wear it at home? God forbid anyone that knew her and her family saw it on her finger. It was bad enough anyone saw us together when out, and reported it to her family. Basically? Mom and dad plugged their fingers in their ears, and pretended I didn't exist. I was over getting pissed about it, I started making jokes about the situation. I actually get along fine with a lot of millionaires. Important clients at my computer programming job I was a natural at? They're okay. Turns out some rich people are just like normal rednecks.
Guy owned this big company, brought me over his house for the important dinner. Got us drunk on scotch. I hate scotch by the way? But scotch people insist. His wife found us in his giant garage at 3 in the morning, about half piss drunk. He's sitting in his big new fishing boat. In the garage. Making "v-room, v-room" noises, and he got me up there with him. We're casting fishing poles with big sinkers on them? In his garage. Game was to hit these metal empty pails, you get a point when you land and it stays in.
We cashed in casting points? For shots of scotch. I mean other than having a couple million dollars, a trophy wife who is hot as shit, a mansion and garage the size of a starter house? This guy is cool. We're both acting like a couple drunken redneck yahoos, doing stupid shit I'd be at home doing with normal rednecks I grew up with. You get over your "awe" of important people after a few times at stuff like this. Mind you, I was worried about going there, didn't want to say or do anything "wrong" at this celebration dinner for the completion of my big programming thing for the big client. His wife had to drag him away, singing and weaving. Like a little kid? She had to let him keep his fishing pole to get him to bed. She put me on the couch in their game room to sleep it off to drive home the next day. Guy took me fishing in his giant boat sometimes after that. He liked hanging out with me, said too many people treat him like he's not "normal" cause he built up this big company he owns. He said drunk? He hates his wife's friends and family and connections. He grew up fishing and hunting.
Shit, sounds familiar, guy. This is just a redneck who "made good". So... it ain't me, and it ain't all rich people. Its just her family. Her little brother always talked okay to me and nothing ever got back to me about him. He's cool in my book. The mother and older sister? Nice to my face, but... behind my back? I'm dog shit. Dad wasn't shy about what he thought.
This? Its my life. Its okay, too. I can live like this. I like going out to the capitol city staying with her more than her coming in? Because out there she doesn't disappear into the black hole of "family" and eat up my whole weekend.
My girl hates my big old cheap house, but hey, paid for it in cash and I own it outright. I like it. My cat likes it. Pretty much just her on that count. She hates my used cars. She hates I have all kinds of radio equipment in my used cars, and HAM radio guys always have an "antenna farm" on any vehicle.
Rack of equipment in my "cop car". Cop cars have this communications rack for all their shit? My shit is DIN sized just like theirs, and bolts right in. Top of the line triple trunking scanner. Best export CB made by man, and modified for extra frequencies and tuning between stations smoothly. Doubles as my mobile 10 meter and 12 meter rig too. Gotta have a 2 meter mobile rig, 100 watts. A well filtered and tuned gigantic linear amplifier. Not for music, its so my "CB" stomps out a couple hundred watt signal, instead of civilian 4 watts maximum legal power. As all HAM's say? Four watts sucks.
As a HAM radio dude licensed by the FCC? I have a cool ID card and everything, its perfectly legal for me to have stuff illegal for the normal private citizen to own or operate. Naturally, my glove box holds two handheld beauties. A 2 meter handheld rig, for talking on the repeaters with anywhere I go. And? The portable version of my top of the line triple trunking full featured scanner in my car. My girl hates this stuff, but I'm otherwise a swell guy.
When there's some three ring circus in the city? She likes it when I tune in, and tell her first what the three ring circus is. Its a small city, so naturally there's all kinds of monkey business now and then. Its the city, what do you want. She gets the real story, not the watered down bullshit on the news, and can gossip at work. She secretly likes this part, and admits it.
My home electronics workshop? Looks like a mad scientist's laboratory, to hear people make jokes about what's in that converted bedroom. And my home HAM radio setup? It puts my mobile rigs to shame. My backyard antenna? Kind of ridiculous.
I built her computers every year. One for home, one for her work. She's the employee that sent her IT department issued computer back? Because I said it was "shit". I copied her hard drive over to mine I built for her, and set her up. I bought a used laptop and fixed it up and that was a Christmas present. Every guy has certain perks for the girl, those were some of mine, other than being inordinately handy around her house. You want all new PEX plumbing to replace the aging copper leaking? Done. I'm a redneck, its what we do. I'm the electrician, too. Her girlfriends at work spend thousands on contractors for all this shit. She gets to brag.
My buddies from home? I was always into fishing, then everyone got the hunting rifle, target shooting, handgun thing going on. We're small town rednecks, what do you want. So? I got into all that, too. Another spare bedroom is the "gun room". I build my own rifles off of this one brand I like to swap barrels on. Expensive target triggers, expensive scopes. I have a small metal lathe and a vertical mill I got used, learned basic machining to make stuff.
I'm more of a target shooter than a real hunter. I can't do the scent and camouflage thing. Me? I target shoot long range. I set up a shooting bench on a hill top, drink coffee and smoke a cigarette and take 400 yard shots on deer that can't see me much less smell me. My one target rifle? Has a 36x fixed power scope. I have more scope power on my rifle scope, than most guys have on their spotting scope. I can read a newspaper at 100 yards easy, and I can aim at the upper edge or right edge of a single bullet hole.
Is it practical? Hell no. But... its fun. See? I'm thought a little crazy, but not nuts. Just... different.
Another spare bedroom in my giant old shitty house, located in a shitty little town populated by primarily never do wells and no accounts and by accounts? For lifting weights, heavy bag and speed bag. I'm half regular redneck, half geek's geek.
This? Is my life. And you know something? I like it. Life's problems come up? I handle it, or deal with it. Whatever. Honestly, other than her family and their reaction to her being with me? I'm actually quite content. Instead of spending all my paycheck on a "nice" house payment, and the high taxes, and a "nice" new car? I have several used cars, and a 12 room "draft palace" I live in. I'm the last big old house on the block, all the others got torn down. Its like I own the whole block, covered in underbrush. I'm on top of the hill overlooking town, best place for a guy that's a HAM radio nut, and got my giant antenna out back.
I can afford things like electronics equipment and gun stuff, because I work on my used cars and work on my house, all by myself.
I refer to my fiancee as "my wife". We'd likely be married if it wasn't for her family. Pretty sure dad disowns her if we get married. Big surprise there, huh? I'm a little weird, and I can appreciate and even like my "wife" to have her little eccentricities as well.
She for some reason, likes to walk in the rain. Most people that are nervous home alone like some adults are? Would be scared at night with a big storm going. She likes it, don't know why. If I'm staying out, and it rains? She'll sometimes get us up, at 4:00 in the morning. Wants to go walk in the rain. No umbrella.
Is it weird, is it strange? Yes. But I'm eccentric too, I'm hardly in a position to judge. You get to first tolerate, then one day? I woke her up. To go for the walk in the rain. She was overjoyed. Then? I went whole hog. We were apart for a couple weeks. Her family was doing what I call the full court press for the holidays. Deliberately finding every last excuse possible, to get her every weekend and keep her.
I went to the truck stop? For Christmas dinner. With all the other "losers", I suppose. I laugh about it, we all joke about it out there. I got home late. Alone on the holidays. It was unseasonably warm that Christmas? It rained.
I had a little pang of slight loneliness. Missing her. I function well alone, I'm one of those people that doesn't "need" interaction. I don't get bored. The 4 walls don't close in on me. I don't get cabin fever. I have lots of intellectually stimulating and involved hobbies aplenty.
But? I did miss my "Boo Boo Monkey". That's her silly pet name I gave her. Was just a joke, then got to be a thing. I deliberate use it in front of people, to see them screw their face up. Hey, we're both slightly eccentric. We're the weird couple, and like it like that. I say Boo Boo Monkey in public? She makes a little monkey noise. Silly boy girl stuff.
Warm for Christmas. Alone for an extended work break, home alone for weeks. Missing my fiancee a little.
Screw it. I went for a walk in the rain. I felt better. It was like being with her a little bit somehow, the way it reminded me of her. Its funny, its ironic. How what you think is silly? Slowly creeps up on you. You think you just learned to tolerate it. Next thing you know? It grew on you. Now? You realize you like it.
This was some, I don't know. Poignant, defining moment in my life. Somehow. I was smiling. I was cold and wet? But I felt better. I sat there on a park bench, people diving by looking at me like I'm strange. Because I am, I suppose. Like I care. I felt... just capital.
I like my life. I love my wife as I call her, though she's technically just my fiancee. I realized? I just had a breakthrough moment in my life. I was completely over the "family" bullshit with her and hers. They can do their thing, I'll do mine. But you know what? I'll do a good bit of my thing, with her. I just accepted everything. I had changed what I could, I had accepted what I had to deal with. I did a lot of things... "my way". And I was happy with it.
I'm outdoors a bit, and I'm a major geek. I have a real expensive waterproof phone case. I can drop it in the river fishing? Shake it off, and keep right on texting or talking, whatever.
I sent her pictures, I was walking in the rain. Because I missed her, because it made me feel closer to her. She was all girly happy, you know how chicks get about romantic shit. How sweet she thought it all was. I had to come out to her house in the little capitol city next weekend or the one following. The family bullshit would be over. She'd make it up to me. I got promised special treats, the kind a wife gives her husband, we all know what that's like. Your own special making love games you two enjoy in your private life. The good stuff.
I guess all guys get the shits sometimes. You walk into the old lady's place? You might be a no good son of a bitch, with a long list of complaints and they list your shortcomings as a boyfriend. I know how to deal with that shit. I shrug, I refuse to take the bait, and I go read a book I brought with me or get on the internet on my laptop. She'll be fine the next morning.
Other times? You walk in... and you're just so special, you're the best boyfriend ever for putting up with her.
This, was one of those "you're so wonderful" moments. Oh honey, I don't really hate your used cars, your old house, all your hobbies. You don't pay big taxes, and house payments and car payments. You have spending money for it, and that's nice too. I'm going to make it a point, to limit this "stealing me" family shit they pull. You're right, they kind of do make up excuses to screw you out of weekends any time they can. Its going to change, she promises. I don't deserve this.
Wow. I feel great. I had been telling her, I realize family stuff can come up? But it comes in waves. She doesn't get the weekend she donates to them, without they extract a plan for the next weekend. Then? They try to extend it to the next weekend. She's a lawyer even if not presently practicing for work, so... this paperwork, that paperwork. Family businesses. Oh, your sister wants to go over her will the week after that. The following weekend. Your brother and his wife. They really want to go away, could you babysit? Oh thanks, its family dear.
I got her to notice, this is a plan. None of these things? Allow me to be around. Its a little kid's game, I told her. Its the adult equivalent of a little kid making up silly excuses to stay up late. She finally "saw" it.
I was enjoying my first solo walk in the rain in the middle of the night. Because I missed her, and it made me feel closer to "Rain", another pet name I have for her. She's overcome with the girly sweetness of it, and just "saw" her family's childish games for what it was. Childish bullshit. And? She's going to make it up to me, with a couple romantic just us weekends back at her house.
Man, after that call? I'm all but skipping home like Gene Kelley in the god damn rain. Couple "me" weekends. I'm a swell boyfriend again. Feels good, man. Good feels.
I'm planning it. I love the sushi restaurant. I'm gonna order that "love boat" biggest platter they serve there. When you order it? They carry out this giant wooden model boat, with all this tons of sushi all over it. They sing this stupid song and clap, everyone looks. Its a thing at the sushi restaurant. The owner lady comes out and talks to you. You get the big love boat platter there? Just for a little bit, you get to feel like some big shot going out, and the owner is all happy to talk to you and bullshit with you.
I'm doing that. Then another day? I'm walking with her, hope its raining then as well, to the city people's overpriced farmers market. Buy a couple pounds of my favorite Amish shit I like. My special overpriced Amish cheese and apple butter I love. And a couple pounds off the rib table, too. I'm gonna eat ribs in bed, watching movies with my Boo Boo Monkey. I'm gonna go to the grocery there? And get the frozen pizzas I like, and stay up watching DVD's and surfing the internet, just as I like to do on weekends.
The sushi? That's a special thing for us. She was all nervous about getting invited to go out with some important big wig politicians, to go with the important people to the sushi restaurant. Rich important people like certain things, like golf and sushi. She's afraid to eat raw fish, did I ever?
No, I hadn't. Could we try it several weekends first, so she would know all about it, and wouldn't have to feel out of place with all the big wigs. Within a couple weeks? We both liked sushi, ate all kinds of shit we didn't even know what it all was.
Hey, honey. That Unagi? We're eating raw chilled eel. We like it! It was a bonding moment, I was sweet for embracing helping her fit in with the big wigs at work. She had a rich important dad? But they grew up on a farm property so he could raise his three rich kids "right". She's like me that way. One foot? In the world of university degrees and office life, the other foot can pick up a gun and shoot a groundhog.
Sushi? Went from being a chore, home work assignment to help her with work and the social life she had to have there... to being one of our favorite things. I found out I love the stuff.
So, what better way among several? To celebrate my walk in the rain, our call, her epiphany about her family's childish games she just saw right through, and how our lives are changing and getting better. Starting? In a week or two.
Made sense. Sushi started as a chore, then something I tolerated. And? Slowly became a joy I missed when I wasn't with her. Just like walking in the rain had become. How appropriate and sweet and bonding would it all be.
As I said? I now feel just... capital. I can't wait. And in a week or two? I'm going to feel just capital, in my state's capitol. With my Boo Boo Monkey. With Rain.
I'm waiting on this? With baited breath.