Chapter 36 - Art VII
I told my girlfriend about the laptop and what I was doing with it and why. Naturally, I left the entire "I murdered the former governor on live TV" part out of it.
"So. You, are trying to get them to try to break into your laptop."
I nodded along.
"Yes."
"And, you call it what again?"
I smiled. Calm as a daisy, smiling easily.
"A pen-test."
"And the real name? Sounds so much... sexier."
I adopted the faux serious tone to make her grin at my antics. I'm a fun loving guy. I like to perform silly little things.
"The penetration test."
"Sounds dirtier than it really is."
I nodded.
"Actually quite boring, to most people. But. If I can goad the state police, then the FBI into trying to crack this nut? See, the FBI has access to lots more goodies, than the state police techs get."
"The FBI has, what. Cool computers or something."
"Well, probably. But this is about cryptography. The FBI? Has cryptography people. The FBI can send out to get help, at the federal level. In particular, everyone and their grandma now knows, that the NSA exists. The CIA is real, too. Both the CIA and the NSA have serious cryptography teams. If I keep thumbing my nose at higher and higher steps up the staircase, where do I eventually get."
"You want the FBI to shop it around. You, want to, what. Brag."
I nodded and grinned. She was getting the idea.
"You plan on going to jail."
"Ah. You say it like its a big deal. Three, six months tops. Probably county. I'll be bored, and read books off the cart. In three to six months, when I get out? I get to give talks, and write descriptions of my cryptography system. And once again, dare anyone, anywhere. No matter what resources they have. Let me give it my top level security pass. If you can send me back the correct plain-text that produced it? Good luck."
"How are you so, all fired up. About the laptop."
"True story? I was on line. You have to understand. I'm a computer programmer. I do little programming things, for fun. So, I was watching documentaries. World war two, the enigma code system. I was originally going to do Enigma code, as a program. For fun, for people to download as a novelty. Maybe even a teaching tool, show an animation how the code works. Like that."
"Okay."
"Then, I'm on a cryptography site. There's, like, two kinds of... code people."
"Two kinds?"
"Yeah. These smug, superior assholes. And, the down to earth people. When I was looking for resources for making my own code system up?"
She nodded and giggled.
"You got hit by some asshole, right."
"Yeah. He went on a little rant. About it was just what the world needed. Another boyfriend and girlfriend, will have a simple single substitution cipher. To email each other dirty emails, in code."
My voice took on the fake air and insouciance, for comic purposes.
"And we have special statistics, with which we can get clues on letter distribution. If you're not an expert, don't even try to make your own code system. I mean, like a little kid, cutting a fit."
She giggled.
"You took it personal."
"No, I didn't, but... I never forgot that moment."
"Which means, that you, what."
I snickered.
"Okay. I took it personal."
"Do they really have, special math stuff?"
"Well. It seemed real intimidating at first. Guys are tossing up all these mathematical charts and shit. They'll be talking about Fourier Transform's? And I never did one before. So yeah, it seems... intimidating. At first blush."
"First blush."
"Yeah. After a while? I realized most of them didn't have advanced mathematical degrees, like they come off sounding like. They have software packages, and it crunches the numbers and they print the results. I actually, only do my own crunching."
"And you took that moment personal. You created your own code."
"I did. And when that crazy shit went down, I accidentally left my laptop sitting on the guardrail. Where I went over to take a piss. Once I realized exactly what that laptop was, how unbreakable I felt it was? That's when this idea came to me."
She stared at me.
"Devious."
I feigned indignant.
"Just... devious. I was shooting for, I don't know what. Devilish. Diabolical. Machiavellian. Faustian."
She grinned and added to it.
"Very, to quite possibly? Very very devious."
"That's more like it. That's a secret, right?"
She nodded.
"When its all over? Its like free advertising, for my code software. If its mission critical, that the code can't possibly be broken? That's my job. Not even a rogue government agency, can go all world war two code breakers on you, and read your encrypted material."
"You're really serious about this."
"I'm a computer programmer. Now, follow me on the... what do I even call this. My, what. My character's, arc."
"All right."
"I went to college. Two degrees. I had an okay job, I actually liked. The owner was great. The owner's son?"
"He was a stinker."
"He was. After what happened to me, I... learned to do what I did for him? For myself, straight to the consumer. A contract. I get paid, like many times more, in the same space of time. For the same work I used to do."
"What's that got to do with codes?"
"I enjoy writing software. But, with what I learned. About doing it for the consumer myself? And I make more money doing it. I should write software, and sell it. Here, just to piss that guy off all those years ago. The very code system, that he told me? Not to create, it was juvenile to think I could try."
"There's a need, for codes?"
"They, and by... they? I mean, they. A while back, they got a control in, at the CPU level. Now, what everyone decided on, was the modern and accepted code. The steps to do it, are encoded right into the CPU. The exploit known to exist? The NSA could use their hack, and your unbreakable code, is compromised. At the cellular level, so to speak. In computer programming terms."
"If you say so."
"When I make a code system up, on the side, like I did? Its not only unbreakable. They, can't just use their hack to try to read it. If protecting your data is mission critical? I offer an even higher level of security."
"Hmm."
I was getting the full treatment, what we jokingly referred to as the GFE. Everything on the internet, must be boiled down to a cute acronym. One of the more popular reoccurring requests escorts get, is for what got nicknamed the Girl Friend Experience. The hot chick? Pretends she's actually into you, and its your smiling and fascinated girlfriend.
We read that while reading on the internet, and thought that was cute. The little creature comforts I got out of the whole GFE joke? Well, kind of obvious, really. She went blonde and started dressing up for me sometimes, I told you that already. We were staying out at my lawyer's place, and she was at work. I sometimes get quite the show.