“See, I told you she could grow you a new one.”
Rika slapped her father’s lower back while standing on her tiptoes. Titus, meanwhile, couldn’t stop marveling at his regrown flesh flexing and moving his toes and muscles in ways I wouldn’t have ever considered possible before.
“Thank you! Thank you so much, I thought I would never be able to run again!”
“Don’t mention it, you are not the first guy whose limbs I have regrown, and you won’t be the last.”
But of course, Titus didn’t like my modesty and continued his thank-you speech… they always do.
“I’m so happy that you are friends with my daughter. Right, dear?”
“Yep, we are best friends.”
…
Best friends, huh? I was still pretty pissed about what she did yesterday, but it didn’t feel right to explode in front of her father. So, I played nice and kept my mouth shut.
“But I think I’d better go now, your mother is waiting for me.”
I thought Rika would try to follow her father back home, but she remained put. And when the door closed behind her father, Benjamin came from the clinic’s back with four chairs, two in each hand. Wait, four? Aren’t we just three? And what are they up to now? I wanted to give them an earful, not vice versa.
But before I can attempt my escape, the door opens once more and Otto enters the room. Soon, all three sat down in front of me, beckoning me to also take a seat. I sit down tentatively.
“Ruby, we are here because we are your friends and we worry about you.”
Still, Otto’s intense, piercing gaze made me sit down again as I vividly recall the one time I had forgotten my homework assignment. Has he told them what I did to Janus? Had he broken his promise?
“Don’t worry, I haven’t broken my promise; they found out themselves… well, most of it at least.”
Benjamin ignored Otto’s cryptic message at the end and said,
“Ruby, we want to help you, but we can’t do that without you.”
Help me? If this is their idea of helping me, then I can do without it.
“Did you realize that when you forced me to sit right next to his mother yesterday, it didn’t work?”
At my remark, Rika’s shoulders sank a bit. At least they are a bit sorry for it, even if they are unreasonable.
“We weren’t forcing you, and if you want to know, Madam Olivia wanted you to sit next to her. She was the one who had asked where you were in the first place. If not for that, I wouldn’t have brought you there.”
“As if you didn’t know what would happen, you led me there without telling me what she was up to. I hate to be the center of attention. I thought you, as my “friends,” would know that.”
I thought they would understand what I meant, but they just shared confused looks. Until Otto asked me,
“Since when do you not like to be the center of attention?”
“I can’t believe you haven’t noticed I have been like this ever since I was a child.”
This prompted Benjamin to ask,
“Then what were you doing by being this benevolent healer who would help anyone, no matter what?”
“That was because I needed a reason for you guys to trust me, not to mention that things like food and shelter aren’t free. I needed some way to earn money.”
They didn’t seem too convinced by my explanation, but Rika soon continued with more examples while I tried my best to counter.
“You saved Joel from those goons in the alley.”
“I wasn’t really looking for a fight, and what was I supposed to do, just let them beat the crap out of him?”
“You went to Wilhelm Yuwen yourself and asked if you could start a magic school for all the other mages in the Fort.”
“I wanted some teaching experience. And learn a bit more about other attributes of magic.”
“You healed Madam Olivia and continued to visit her two times a week.”
“That was because her husband asked me to look after her.”
“You defended her against Sir Roland. You even lost your arm while doing it!”
“Th- that was because he attacked me first.”
“After you provoked him.”
“I…”
“And you jumped headfirst into danger when the wall was breached. You jumped right in front of a cannon.”
Had I really done all these things? They all sound so incredible that it couldn’t possibly have been me, right? Of course, I knew it had been me; I just couldn’t remember what had been going through my head at that moment. To me, it still felt like some stranger had done these things.
Now that I think about it, I have only really stopped being outgoing when I started to suddenly gain weight and got bullied for it during puberty.
“Ruby, you were so brave, and you did all these amazing things. Why is it so difficult to just tell him what happened? Why do you have to hurt yourself by keeping up that lie?”
“You think I’m hurting myself?”
I have never harmed myself. What are they talking about?
“Not physically, but you barely even smile anymore, and that’s not just because of the siege.”
“You don’t make any more jokes, and it has been ages since you asked me if I could cover for you during the evening so you could relax.”
“I also remember that you wanted to revisit me, but you haven’t actually shown up after our talk.”
“I don’t know whether or not I have really stopped smiling all that much. And how was I supposed to just take a day off and relax when there was constant fighting between us and the Ibasans. And I guess you are right, Otto, I… have been avoiding you a bit in the last few weeks. And I’m sorry for it, it’s just that I… I didn’t know what to say.”
Otto just brushed it off, but I could see that it had been bothering him. I mean, why else would he bring it up if he didn’t care? But Benjamin and Rika especially seemed a bit fed up with me at that point.
“Okay, fine. If you honestly don’t see it, there isn’t much we can do, but what is up with this whole leaving thing?”
I angrily stared at Benjamin until he caved in.
“Sorry, I had to tell them. I… I just didn’t want you to leave. Don’t you notice you said “us against the Ibasans”? You already talk like this is your home. You can’t just leave like that. I don’t even want to think about how it all would have turned out without you.”
Benjamin might not have dared to think through how it would have turned out, but Otto happily gave one example after another.
“Many of our men would have died during the siege and all the skirmishes before that, Averall would have lost his hand, we wouldn’t have found the other tunnels if you hadn’t taught Felicia how to do so, Madam Olivia would still be bedridden, Rodrick would have most likely succeeded in his attempt to kidnap her injuring or killing many in the process, and Titus would have never been able to swing his sword again. And those are just a few. I could go on for an extra hour talking about every person that you have helped throughout the last few months if that wasn’t enough.”
“Ruby, we need you here, but we can’t just look on when you are so miserable all the time.”
While she talked, Rika tried to put her hand on my shoulder, but I angrily pushed her off.
“Miserable, huh? Well, you have clearly failed. I can’t even remember the last time I felt this miserable. Do you know how it feels when the whole fort is running their mouth about you? Because I do, and not just once. Ever since I got her, people have been talking about me behind my back, attributing all kinds of nasty rumors or names to me.”
“The rumors are bad, I do admit, but if it weren’t for you, they would gossip about someone else. They always do; no one could ever make them stop. Don’t take it to heart, but that’s not what I meant. Can’t you see… You barely even smile anymore; you just mope around all the time. It’s heartbreaking.”
“Even all the other students noticed that your lessons had become less joyful. We can all see how it affects you. There aren’t just rumors; many are also very worried about you. Remember Emma Theresa’s mother, she keeps bugging me all the time if everything is alright with you.”
“And what am I supposed to do about it? Am I supposed to pretend that I’m happy? Would that make you feel better?”
“No, of course not, but we see how much it hurts you to uphold this lie. Wouldn’t it be easier if you just told him?”
“ I-I do not know… I can’t.”
“““Why…?”””
“I’m scared, okay!”
For a few seconds, no one said anything until Rika broke the silence.
“Look, it’s easy to see that he likes you, so why don’t you just give it a try?”
“A try at what, Rika? I’m pregnant with what he believes is someone else’s child. What kind of trying could I even do? And if I really told him that he is the father, it won’t just end in me “trying”, I will have to marry him.”
“And what would be so bad about that?”
“Well, for starters, that I would then, by law, be bound to him and his household. He would have the ultimate say about me. Where I go, who I meet, it would all be in his hands. And what guarantee do I have that he won’t just marry a bunch of other women like his father? We barely know each other. It’s been just a few months since I got here. I don’t even love him.”
“Well, it is quite obvious that he loves you when he ignored everyone else, including his own mother, and instead immediately tried to greet you when he came back after being gone for over three months. And do you really think that Janus would be so resentful of you that he would treat you like this?”
Throughout our rant, my mood had been turning sour. They have prepared this. They brought counterargument after counterargument until I had no more ground to retreat to.
“Ruby, we won’t tell him even if you do decide to leave and keep it a secret. But answer me this: would you really be so torn about telling him or not if you truly felt nothing for him? Would he really be angry if you honestly told him what happened and apologized?”
I was about to answer Otto’s question when Collin burst through the door.
“Ruby!”
I jump from my chair, already hurriedly walking towards the door.
“What’s wrong!?”
This could not be good. The young squire was entirely out of breath. Something was terribly wrong.
“It’s Janus he got attacked!”