*Janus*
“Ruby?”
I looked at Ruby, my eyes shifting from laughter to nervousness. Even though I feared what she would say I had to tell her.
“Yes?”
“I-I have thought about what I would say when you wake up. I haven’t really found a smart way to say it, so instead I’m just goanna say it like it is.”
I looked straight into her red eyes, which almost seemed to shine in the dim candlelight, and confessed.
“I know that I’m the father.”
…
Ruby’s eyes turned cold and her face grew pale. Gone was the sliver of red on her pale face. And her embarrassed smile she had tried to hide turned into a frown.
“What?”
“You don’t have to pretend Rika already told me.”
Rubys averted her eyes completely and said while waving one of her slender hands dismissively,
“She was just talking some nonsense she…”
Even when I tell her directly, she still wants to pretend that it wasn’t me. Just what have I done to her that night. Have I hurt her? She is a healing mage any mark I left on her could have easily been erased by her in seconds. Was that why she looked so scared did I really…
“Ruby, I’m really sorry for what happened that night. Even though I can’t remember I… I want to make things right to you so please be honest with me please just this once.”
Once the words were out of my mouth, I already regretted them. Shocked by my last accusation of her never telling the truth Ruby began to panic and buried her face even deeper into her blanket while also trying to get as far away from me as possible.
Is she that afraid of me? Just what have I done? I looked at my own hands unwilling to truly accept that I could ever do something like that to the person I love.
“I… you… I’m…”
I could hear her sobbing into her blanket. Every sobbing breath she took felt like a knife that turned in my gut.
“Don’t cry Ruby please! I’m sorry for what I did to you that night. Even though I can’t remember. I’m truly sorry…”
I tried to apologize. I wanted to prove to her that I would never hurt her again. But instead of calming her down ruby only got more upset and screamed into the blanket.
“Stop!”
For a few seconds no one said a word while ruby tried her best to calm herself so she could stop crying and I forced myself to endure the twisting pain in my heart. Earlier, she was so happy to see me when she woke up; I could see she was truly happy for me to be alive. After I came back to life, I was sure she loved me too. I had convinced myself that she must have felt the same for saving my life. But maybe my assumption had been wrong.
Finally, after what felt like hours of torture, Ruby calmed down and slowly lifted her head from the now wet and snot covered blanket. Her red eyes had turned even redder and puffy from crying that they almost looked like they were bleeding. Shakily she said something I had never even considered,
“I-It wasn’t… It wasn’t your fault Janus. I-I… I… I kissed you first. I… took of your clothes and I was the one that… pushed you down onto the bed.”
“What?”
“It wasn’t you who raped me. I raped you! You are not at fault. It was all me!”
“But how could you…?”
“You are stronger than me, but you were also so drunk you could barely get up the stairs remember.”
I was indeed very drunk that night but the real reason for me wanting her to bring me to my room was because I didn’t want the night to end with her. But then again, I was so drunk the next day I wasn’t even sure if that night had been a dream or reality. I wanted to say that it wasn’t rape that it was nothing but if the genders were reversed or if it wasn’t ruby but someone else like Gertrude who took advantage of me, I would also call it rape.
“Ruby…”
I tried to explain my feelings to her, but the dam had already broken loose again, and her tears began to fall alongside all the lies she had told.
“And I hid it from you I-I took of the bedsheets and burned them piece by piece in my room.”
“Ruby I’m…”
“I lied to you and everyone for months. I tried to convince everyone that the real father had died during the siege.”
“Ruby Im not…”
“I was planning on running away so no one would ever find out that they were your children.”
That was the only part that really upset me but for now I had to calm ruby down or else I feared she would never stop. So, I braced myself and firmly said in a commanding voice,
“Ruby calm down!... I’m not mad at you.”
She looked at me as if I told her that pigs could fly. She didn’t belkiev me at all and instead retold all her sins a second time as if I somehow didn’t hear her the first time.
“What? B-but I raped you. I lied to you, your entire family and all my friends. I was about to steal your children the Yuwen bloodline. That alone would be a criminal offence.”
That last point was true as well. Stealing a noble’s family bloodline was, by some, even punished with death. But I will talk with her about that grievance later because for now it was more important to me to stop her tears.
“I’m not mad. Don’t get me wrong if anybody else did all that I would be furious but I’m honestly happy that it was you who did all this.”
Somehow ruby managed to look even more confused than when I told her im not mad at her and asked,
“What? Why would anyone be happy about something like this?”
Honestly, I’m not quite sure why I feel this way. When I found out that I’m the father I wasn’t sure if I loved her enough to forgive her for lying so much and for wanting to run away with our children but after starring at her unmoving face for three weeks,
I just wanted her back.
“Do you remember what we talked about before you brought me to my room.”
“About your marriage candidates?”
I wasn’t sure if she still remembered. Is that a good sign? Whatever,
“Yes, about my potential marriage candidates. My father had given me a massive list of Women that I could choose from, so why was I so upset then? I had so many to choose from and yet I wasn’t happy You know why?"
Ruby wiped away the last of her tears and slightly shook her head.
“Because none of them were you.”
“W-w-what?!”
Ruby began to stutter and her face got redder than ever before.
“I love you Ruby for a long time now. And if I’m honest it might have been on first sight.”
“When we first met?”
Ruby’s face turned into an even deeper shade of red while I could feel my ears start to heat up as we both recalled our first meeting.
“Y-You know what I mean… What I want to say is that despite all the things that happened I want you to know that I love you and that I forgive you even if you say no.”
“Say no to what?”
I took a deep breath and looked her in her eyes that are still swollen from all the tears. I took ruby’s hands in mine and asked her what I had wanted to ask her for these past three weeks.
“Ruby, do you want to marry me?”